The Irregular Shapes Of Clouds At Night

I’m trying to do some study this afternoon, but just can’t pull my thoughts together or more like, can’t clear my head, so to concentrate for more than just a few minutes at a time. My mind has been kind of preoccupied with the memory of Michael recently, I keep thinking about him, about our meeting, he keeps popping up in my thoughts. I had a few amazing erotic fantasies with his image these days, such a powerful emotion, like virtual reality with full HD and feelings on. The alchemy of imagination and the CNS can be such an incredible journey into your senses. This love is so strange, I have felt it a few times before and things never work out for one reason or another whatever. Just the intense emotion that brings spiritual growth, a lot of daydreaming intoxicated with at times overpowering feelings flared up by vivid imagery.

This time truly an entire ocean and a continent separate us. I don’t feel so down though, as I have felt at previous times. Man, have I felt desperate with heartache in my more tender years, horrible periods. This time, I am way more balanced and experienced, even though being a fast-flared love from first sight, it is a mature love, yeah, that describes it. Not less intense, but just accepted with maturity, rather than fight the whole world just because i love-sick. So interesting, this is something new. I am experienced! Wow, lol.

Anyway, Samantha is doing good, she is not hiking the streets carrying a carton cup with Australian wine as much anymore, mainly because she can’t find a suitable partner for this. Oh well, we the walkers are a rare breed, not easy to find, Sam! She is working now, a day job and a weekends job as well, gaining some cash, which is not a bad idea. I am into some serious episodes sequence as well, the new season, lol, preparing for exams and starting off working again soon, while drafting on some ideas for the future in the meanwhile.

I think it’s time to start drafting ideas for the more far away future, so that to have an idea what destination to steer myself to. I am not sure yet really. I mean, what the heck do I do in this life?! Something meaningful, something both interesting and challenging, a whole journey that will also be my day job. Hmm. It all sometimes seems so pointless, dull, ridiculous, all the phases and cycles, the paths people take, in life, in society, things everyone does, always renewing and repeating. And while all this is good, sometimes all the predetermination, predictability, repeatedness can seem so boring, so discouraging.. makes you wonder, what is the point? Apart from enjoying the beauty, growing with the sorrows and gaining wisdom on the way. Since everything follows its pattern anyway, as if there is no other way things can go, as if this is the only way to develop and whatever you do, as much as you may do for the better common good, in the end you still will fit in the pattern of human history, as a piece of it, however big or small. Everything is a pattern, patterns from the smallest to the largest and all the levels in between, patterns and cycles.

Human history also follows a pattern consistent of cycles in its’ unfolding flow. A rather slow-moving pattern, considering the potentials of human mind. I think people today, especially the socially developed ones, should know and understand more from the nature of the cosmos, through evolution of life and to the depths of human psychology and layers of the mind. One can say that humanity is somewhat retarded. Which popular situation serves quite beneficially to all marketing and happily-thriving commerce. The biggest difference between societies today, the way they work in the interaction b/w individuals and between groups, and societies thousands of years back is that we have technology today and a lot of detailed knowledge. That’s all, the core is barely changed, trade, relations, mindsets, military conflicts, diplomacy, layers, the mainframe is more or less stagnant on a rather basic level. There is nothing really new, apart from the aforementioned. And even before technology people had pretty good knowledge as well and they always tend to dismiss it, destroy it and burn it and forget it, until after some good chunk of time philosophers come up again with it, as what happened with the knowledge from the classic world and its subsequent revival in the Renaissance. Books were burned again on several other occasions throughout History and even today there is still censorship of religious, political or other ideological sort in most parts of the world.

The movements of social layers, of wealth, power, religions, all repeating in certain patterns, even though the patterns follow a spiral progression, always at a farther point in each repeating cycle, still remain more or less preserved for the past few thousand years. Empires grow and fade, influences shift, here, for instance, now a new economic power is emerging, China that is, social shifts are resettling, and it has always been like this, humanity, changing and morphing in a certain pattern constantly. And there is the funny thing, people from all previous ages and eras, always have thought that they are somewhat very advanced in all crafts, arts and understanding, cutting edge in cultural heights. So they were, I guess. Such a strange thing is the social evolution humanity follows, so controversial in itself, we advance and yet stagnate, holding tight to the past, trying to preserve it, refusing to let go of old traditions, affections, disputes, to grasp new knowledge, as if human psyche has a keep-yourself-retarded-as-much-as-possible mechanism at work.

There are historical sources that have preserved with the tools of written word a piece of observation about the general merchant in Sumer markets a couple of thousand years ago, that they “Always see to put less weight in a bag, than agreed with the price.” (I read that cited in an interesting book about the historical development of economic thought), of course, today we have regulations and consumer rights, lol, too much at times. And in this line of thought, again this need for imposing regulations emerges in order for people to guide their hardwired behavior, which is intrinsically selfish-driven and “evil”, as opposed to the century-old propaganda of the church. And yes, archaic religion, another primitive element in contemporary society, which only means that a few thousand years from now, hopefully, we in our age today will be seen as part of human’s developing stages. I believe it will be referred to as the end of the Middle ages, lol. May be even a Second Renaissance.

So, the first point is to enjoy and make the most out of your experience. Then think more, use your mind to learn and tackle everything actively as much as you can cultivate this mental state in yourself. Then think up of something meaningful to do, while on the journey to mental advancement and spiritual growth. Do, always do. Move and do. I tend to contemplate more than do, I admit. I know, but contemplating the profound is just soo, so tranquilizing, so mesmerizing, like daydreaming when in love. May be I was a Himalayan monk in my previous life. There is one most important thing I have to do now, and this is to complete my book, which i haven’t been doing for the past few months. Also, to graduate next summer and make more cash in between, lol. That’s it, it’s seriously time to get moving more consistently. Yeah. Right. Make my own way in this life, I dread conventionality and boring perspectives. Let the flare burn and inspiration fill the heart, the Universe guides me! Let the Universe be with you too.