Jun 22, 2010

My American Journey. Summer 2010. A Travel Diary - Everything Unwinds Quite Differently Than Imagined

Today was a gorgeous cloudy day in New York. Then a summer rain storm poured down on Staten Island in the afternoon, raining cats and dogs as one English idiom puts it flowery. Very invigorating. The end of my second month in USA approaches and with it my birth day draws near. It's been 26 years since I arrived in this world. Wow. Seems like it will be a loner birthday, but hey, it's too early to say that, since things just may turn 360 degrees around in a stunningly surprising way. I've been through some very weird experiences here already and these just keep accumulating more and more. The summer is going completely like I didn't imagined at all, I thought things differently, in a more settled and straight forward way, since everything was pretty well arranged with my arrival. Ah, unpredictability. It is a property of mine, I should include it in my Resume. And title it "Quantum Autobiography".

Life of elementary particles must be so simple, unlike the complex existence of the more sophisticated bunches of matter.
You are not a singular thing you know, but about a 100x1000 trillion singular things that make you up and keep you going. It is so strange when you think about this. I am made up of trillions of individual cells that constantly buzz with their basic cellular activity, until at some point they completely disintegrate. Makes you wonder, where exactly am I in all those cells. Am I this cell or that cell, are those cells me or am I them?! What the heck am I!? A bunch of cells that think and have the collective sense of consciousness that wanders around and gets into trouble?? Crazy stuff. If life isn't a mystery. I am a mystery. Yeah, that's what i am alright. You are a mystery too, just take the time to step out and think about it. Most people prefer not to, though, it is just way above their willingness to comprehend. Can't blame them, who needs that kind of awareness anyway? Apart from the blissful cosmic insights it brings, it's not especially useful in the mundane everyday activities people undertake, following the social and biological paradigms of life.

So anyway, it's been more than two weeks now since I left the prearranged job. I've been mostly idling around, staying up until late and sleeping 'till noon during most of this time. I haven't written anything since more than a month already, on my book. Just can't get into the mindset for it, I am distracted by everything that has been going on here. Maybe this is a good thing, since I am thinking on all of the issues and topics involved still and tackling them deeper and deeper, while gaining a lot of life experience in this distant land of opportunity and elusive freedom. Actually, I think the more I delay the book, the better it will come out in the end. And my style keeps getting better in time as well. By the end of this year it will be exactly four years since I began writing it, after drafting on the basic synopsis frame. Though, I had large chunks of time not writing at all in this period, about two thirds of it all, or writing very little at a time. However, I can finish it off for about a month of everyday writing or even less. There is time, I feel.

In the meanwhile, this eBay assistant job I found ended up quite unexpectedly. So, this guy who was to be my employer of a sort did sent me a wire transfer and a list of some electronics that he sold over eBay and I had to purchase consequently from Best Buy and send them via USPS to an US address. We kept in touch over the phone for about a week or so, while I received the transfer and then did the job, then he said he will wire me another amount for the next purchase and that was the last I heard from him. I didn't received any other transfers, nor did he contacted me or answered my calls again. Pretty weird. I gained about 500 dollar from this episode and I'm jobless again, lol. Now I have another similar job opportunity of this kind, I guess my CV looks very attractive, 'cause I get a lot of self-starters offers and the like in the last week. I am not sure about that new offer really, it seems very risky and potentially getting-into-troublesome. Not sure what to do. Maybe I should just look for another normal 9 to five job that is reliable and doesn't involve taking financial risks, lol, especially when your finances are on red.
I don't feel like going back home just yet, I am enjoying my independence and self-reliance here. Getting accustomed to the people, they don't seem that weird anymore, the people also seem to get used with me as well, lol. I'm not getting all those strange looks in the bus anymore, probably because of the subjective element getting used to the objective elements, mostly. Starting to like life in New York more and more, not just it's architecture. And I just don't feel like I had enough experience from it, need more, lol.
People are individuals, of course, and you can actually meet some decent ones out on the streets. About two weeks ago I met a woman in the laundromat. We spoke about hairs in the machines sticking to clothes and agreed about it and this peer-like spark flared between us. So we engaged in a conversation, while waiting on the laundry. She is in her late 30s and was there with her daughter. So we exchanged tel. numbers to meet another day. We spoke over the phone a few times, but ones I couldn't, then she couldn't and finally a few days ago we met. I went in her house, a very nice, big house decorated with taste, unlike the one I'm staying at that feels like cardboard house. Then we went off with her car to Staten Island mall, yeah this is a cliche, she went into a brand store to exchange a dress she changed her mind on and while there it turned out there is a 40% discount for coupon holders for the day. I liked a pair of pants, though didn't intent to buy them, but she persuaded me so that to make use of her discount, and later when I was to give her the remaining cash amount, she reduced ten dollars out of it, so I paid 20$ instead of their original 50$ price tag. Then we went into a supermarket place and I made use of her discount card there as well. Cool, so complaisant. I would have done the same if I was her.

Yesterday I met one black guy, I don't usually make friends with people who talk me out on the streets, but this dude showed some good knowledge in geography and he had a red eye, so that I speculated on the possible reasons for this condition and assured him he will not go blind, for he expressed his concern in a humorous way making allusion with pirates and black eye-patches. He seemed like an interesting person to go out some day, but the problem with making new male friends in a foreign country is that they most probably aspire for something more than buddies. We exchanged numbers in the end, it's about time to make some friends here, get to know the locals better. It would have been easier and more convenient if I was with another person, though. 'Cause when you're singular, friendships are made in a different kind of way, I have observed, they are more personal. It is different when you are with someone else and you make friends with a third person.

Anyway, I'm not the kind of person who will "get" a boyfriend only for the boyfriendishness' sake. I don't need it. And my heart is engaged right now. Yeah, still thinking about the charismatic one, that i told you about in the "Twists and Turns of Life" post and particularly at the "Love Story" part of it. I feel love for this man, man. He showed up in a dream of mine a few nights ago. I feel him close, this feeling makes me feel complete, in this in-love kind of way, knowing that the other one is out there, like a soul mate. As if he also thinks of me still and feeling me too, feeling each other, there is no way to know that being so or not anyway, it is just a subjective state. It's nice though, pleasant. Nothing long-term could have come out of this love anyway, considering the circumstances we are meeting in, I am going back to Bulgaria sooner or later, it is there where my home is. We could have been friends though and just enjoy this platonic love fire. Well, I am enjoying it in a way, at least. In this bittery sweet way love tastes. Love like this is like a potent soil fertilizer, growing fruits of wisdom within the one experiencing it. I love you Michael. Maybe it is a good thing things developed this way after all, otherwise who knows what could have happened by now.. i mean, Love from the distance is one thing, but face to face quite another. It could have as well turned out like two neodymium magnets coming together - a collision of high-energy scale.
Oh, yeah, I think this is a good spot to include some editory notes on the "Love Story". Going through the entire development of it from the beginning, I have to say that actually it was not him who insisted on it, but the senior person gave him a green light of sort, showing support for the sparked mutual attraction. So, the "He wanted me to be assigned at the place he was running, so that he can flirt with me, I presume" part is not entirely correct. Either way, I may never know exactly what, who, why, most probably.

Life is full of probabilities! And it's in the hands of unpredictability to handle them (wink). We shall see how things will turn out in the following week ahead. The Universe has been kind of unresponsive recently, having turned her answering machine on. Oh, Universe, pick up the line, it's me! LoL.
In the other news, the sound of the "God prtcl" has been simulated. Wow, the cosmos sounds so in tune, such a mesmerizing symphony of frequencies, how divine indeed. I don't think that the "Higgs particle" will ever be found, it is something else. We'll see. Another newsflash, Michael Jackson has made 1 billion dollars since his death. Alright, he is doing pretty well even from the hereafter, bad thing there are no available wire transfers to there.
Stay tuned.