Mar 30, 2009

An Agony of my Soul, Provoked by Emotions, Expressed by Words. It Has No Title

Today I died.
My body blackened like dry coal and turned into ashes.
But just when the soil began to absorb me into her earthly womb, a strong gust of eastern wind came about and lifted my dusty remains.
Then the wind told me his name was Shamal and took me on his airy wings to show me the world.
We flew above villages and cities, green meadows as far as the horizon goes and golden deserts. We went to places no human knows - above frosty mountain tops and wavy oceans.
We saw so much beauty, so much life all packed in this small blue planet. But in this flight my ashes slowly flew away and spreaded little by little over the face of Earth and I was no more.

Only my soul left, stripped and naked. There was no more me, I couldn't tell - there was no reflection in the mirror! When I looked down towards the glassy surface of a lake - I saw nothing but the sky above. Then fear struck. The wind was gone and I was alone. Alone and bare.
Emptiness filled the empty space I occupied. I couldn't tell if this emptiness dwelled only within me or if it encompassed the entire cosmos. But what was I? I was nothing. Nothing that could be seen! Yet, I felt. How can you have feelings without a nervous system?! Impossible. There are no emotions beyond the CNS. Yet, I was thinking. How can you have thoughts without a brain and memmory to hold them all?!
This can't be. My thoughts would rather disperse in space like the ashes from my body. But there I was, even though I was not me.

Then a ray of ancient photons passed by me with the most unbelievable speed and within an unspeakable fraction of an eye-blink I was able to ask them "Where are you coming from?". And they replied all in one voice, like a divine chorus "We come from the beginning of this Universe" and they took me with them.
They were heading towards the end. We flew across vast transparency of blackness as far as one could peer into it, we flew across billions of stars small and immense, across billions upon billions of galaxies and vibrating molecular clouds. Then pain struck. This unbearable nostalgy for this small blue planet, my home.
But I was away, so far, far away. There was no way back. So I took the pain with me and continued our flight together with the ancient light.
Then all the galaxies and all the stars were left behind in a tiny bulge of light at the center of this enormous blackness that filled everything. Soon enough there was nothing, completely nothing. I couldn't tell if there was anything, for it was all black and black was all I could see. Formidable, tremendous, all encompassing blackness filled with emptiness. Then the photons disappeared. Or rather dissolved into the darkness.
I was floating there in the middle of nowhere. Left alone, empty and bare. The pain left too. So I felt nothing anymore. Then a voice filled the void and told me "All that you see is nothing. It is not at all." I had nothing to loose, so I asked back "What are you then?!" and the voice replied "I am infinity. The negative existentiality that encompasses all!". "This is impossible. A paradox. It is not true!" I replied back and was prepared to be engulfed by the void forever. It was silent. Silent, dark and empty. "Are you.. God?!?" I cried out at the last of my endurance.
"You humans have so many gods, why do you need another?" A different voice answered. I was silent, for I knew it was true. "God has many faces and many names. Every single atom is part of God, but no single atom is god alone. The same goes for your small-minded human perceptions and all of your religious gods". "Then The God is above religions" I thought to myself, but my thoughts went aloud, for there was no brain to contain them in.
"It is pure Reality itself
you speak of" the something said and went silent. It was the deepest silence I have ever heard. Then I was torn apart and dissolved into the darkness.
I opened my eyes. I was home. I was again, but different. I had new eyes.
I was reborn.

Then I cried out to Knowledge with tears in my eye "Do you have to be so painful?!?" and it replied "Wisdom comes at a price".

Impossible is Nothing. And I am both. Let the wind of inspiration carry you!

To my subscribed readers: please, be patient! I think you will not remain disappointed!

And another thing, I wish to dedicate this post to the last man who broke my heart - Thank you for this inspiration, Vasile and So Long!!