My American Journey. Summer 2010. A Travel Diary - Reminiscence of Teenagehood, Trashing Around

Looking through the window of McDonalds overlooking the Grand Central station across the street, there is a lot of commotion. There is no internet at home, so now I am seeking out wireless points, mostly at McDonaldses. All these people are so distracting, even if you try to ignore them. I am not very used to doing my daily surfing routine and write, even in the blog, surrounded with so much movement and crowds. A lot of motion on the streets, motor vehicles and pedestrians along with the occasional pigeon and squirrel. Yesterday I finally saw rats, two of them in the train station. It was close to midnight and there were just a few people waiting. You don’t see these notorious creatures during the day or maybe they don’t hide, but you just don’t see them because of the commuter crowds. There are a lot of squirrels in public parks and paranoid pigeons who always seem under strain. New York, it is a big city, a vibrant one, filled with so many different peoples. A place of crossroads, where paths meet and converge. Where life paths cross for a moment amids the chaos, exchange knowledge, experience and emotion and then part again, each following its own destination.

I feel somewhat nostalgic about leaving New York after about two weeks from now. I messed things too much and don’t really have free time to stay longer. Maybe later on. Yeah, I will definitely be back, but next time it will be very different. So now just enjoy the most out of this first encounter with American culture in the Big apple and enjoy we do. Me, Samantha and Anna. I will miss them too.

Since the beginning of July I lived like I haven’t since my late teen years. Drinking every other day, doing crazy things, hanging around streets and parks and sleeping from the mornings on until early afternoons, lol, after a night out of drinking in and around the streets of Manhattan. We visited a few clubs too, though Samantha is underage and we can’t go to the real dance clubs, apart from a few. We tried Websters hall, but this place was really crowded, hot and messy, don’t think I’ll be back there again.

A lot of night clubs here have dress codes that require women to wear high heels in order to get in. Well, if this isn’t some kind of male fetish discrimination. I mean, how can you dance if you wear high hills?! This is just ridiculous and funny too, those women trying to move it with high heels on. Anyway, I don’t wear heels, even less so high and I am close to broke again, so I’m totally out of the scene, I guess, lol.

The past two weeks were tough, I haven’t drank so much since years ago. The other day, me and Sam went to a supposedly rock concert at Coney Island. The concert was dull and the music very weak, but it was crowded alright. A lot of young people, a lot of beer. We began drinking from three in the afternoon that day and finished off the last bottle of wine sometime after seven in the morning on the next day. And in between we wandered at Coney island, where I stole a bottle of beer from a grocery store, which I later broke in the train, due to a lack of properly controlled movements of the extremities. Incredible, I totally lost it here, my reasonability and mature behavior, lol.

But hey, experience is what counts and gains now, everything else is not that important. How fun. Then we went off to Times square, already quite drunk. There we met two guys “On the streets” as Samantha said on the next day when I asked her where we met those guys from yesterday, before my memory returned to me. The guys from the streets took us to a home party that turned out to be old classmates gathering, so our presence there was kind of awkward initially, but then we merged in the party. Afterwards me and Sam wandered around the streets in an attempt to go to the ferry station by walking, but I gave up on this and took the transport, then fell asleep in the bus and rode it to the last stop and had to go back. Drunken heads stories, but not with too serious excessions, of course.

Samantha still will get assignments at the more early-party clubs, so we can still go to some, though it would have been better if we were a group of friends, not strangers who just met there. Anyway, this way is fun too, all the prerequisite questions of new meetings are asked, everyone is jolly and slightly reserved. We are to explore more of New York in the week to come, trash around some more and then our paths will part, though we may meet again in another time and circumstances.

My American Journey. Summer 2010. A Travel Diary - Staten Island

There hasn't been much development in the past week. Been mostly contemplating on fundamental matters, wandering around and seeking out unconventional job opportunities in the fields of 1099, freelance or a project job. There is a lot of scam and fraud in USA, no wonder Hermes is everywhere in the architectural elements. The place for thieves, tricksters and fraudulent-minded people. Also there are a lot of psychos, I know, so I have to be especially careful for this one really. Scarry. Anyway, my funds are running out and with it my time here as well, unless a reliable opportunity finally finds me. Contacted a few people looking for someone to fix some work for them in Ebay, but no answer so far. Will be moving out of Staten Island in the days to follow, not sure where yet, we'll see.

Not that I didn't liked the place here, I'm sure I'm not finding any better one for these money, but the hosts began to annoy me too much really. They started asking me questions am I working, why I stay up at night and sleep late, this and that. I'm beginning to feel as if on a student camp and the teachers supervising over me. Beat it. It's time to move in the city full time, this way I can explore it in the evenings as well, since I'll be living closer by. However, don't get me wrong, my hosts here are very nice and helpful people and they are hospitable on the whole.

I've been exploring Staten Island these days and toured it from coast to coast with the bus and on foot. In all, it is a really nice place to live. Suburban, plenty of nature, peaceful and quiet. From its central part southwards there are very nice, clean and tranquil streets lined with very nice houses. There is a great architectural variety of the houses and the people take care to decorate their lawns in front of the houses too, which is pretty neat. Some houses have their mailboxes designed as miniature replicas of the house itself. Cool. I rode the train the other day, but I was really tired for I slept very little the night before and fell a sleep several times. The tracks were above ground and I could observe many houses of different sizes nevertheless, mostly large ones, with swimming pools and clean, small streets in between. I guess, for the most part, the part of SI closer to the ferry is the not so nice one and the not so clean one too, as there are large amounts of litter on the streets, especially on some streets, where lower culture prevails.

It was a funny thing that, in the bus riding to the last stop in Tottenville, a woman asked me about an animal clinic and how far from the bus stop it was. I didn't knew and then she shared in a low voice, even though it was just me, her and the driver in the bus, that she has never been so far and she wanted to feel safe. Wow. She is a SI resident and has never been so.. far?! Some people are living like muslim women here, lol, only in and around the house.

The bus driver was a tattooed youth with piercing and punk hair do. Anyway, the buses have GPS, I thought. I got off on Main str. in Tottenville. The place had this typically American small town feel with low rise brick apartment buildings from the 1920s and small groceries and caffeterias at the ground floors.
Then I followed the street and walked on some half an hour until I reached a dead end street with a grassy trail leading from its side. I asked a woman there standing in front of her house if it was safe to follow the trail, and she said it was ok. So I did and went to the beach, sat there gazing at the waves in quiet. Naturally, there was no one to talk with, lol. Only the sea birds and distant speed boats and yachts, everything else was still. My mind sat still too, comprehending the moment. There is so much beauty in this world.. The setting resonated with the way I feel my life at this moment; standing on a shore line, gazing at the unknown ahead, on the border between the land so far and the unexplored depths of what is to come. The mysterious is so mesmerizing. And I feel so lost and confused, unsure which path to follow, where to go, so widespread and uncertain. Like an electron cloud.

I continued on the serene trail along the beach with marshy woods on my right side and it led me to a nice park with some old community buildings from the late 1800s, when people lived differently. Though not that entirely different. At least a woman has much more freedom today, thank human reason for that. Sat on a wooden bench there, surrounded by the auditory joyfulness of the birds and wrote a poem. Well, a semi-poem, more like a moment of self-reflection put down in words. I don't want to be single for the rest of my life, not at all, but I need to find the right one, one who will share my vision and views. A like-minded friend to share a life with. And have many friends together. Not sure about kids, I don't really see myself having a child at this moment, maybe later on I could feel like it, but that again maybe not.

As I walked back towards the bus stop, looking at those large, clean and well-decorated houses for a moment I felt overwhelmed by the prospect of such a dull family life, even in a large and beautiful house. Nope, that's not for me. I need excitement, adventure, freedom and action. I just can't picture myself as a mom, preparing dinner, while my husband watches TV, lol, I just bursted in laughter for real. I am a creative personality and need a man that will love me, support me morally, like a best friend, but one that will give me enough space to move free. One that can trust me and I can trust him. Such strange contemplations come in my mind, I never thought about such things in this way before. I guess I've grown up now (raising eyebrows). I am just a one-eyed weirdo in the land of the blind.

In all, Staten Island is a nice place in New York, away from the noise and hassle of the city, set among trees, plains, hills and marshes. There are many old houses around the island with authentic architecture in different styles. The ferry ride is one to enjoy too and provides great views towards Manhattan and the surrounding borroughs. So now I'm moving in the city, let's see how that's going to be.

My American Journey. Summer 2010. A Travel Diary - The Twists and Turns of Life

Yeah, some time passed again without me writing anything. But things haven't been still, though. Where do I start from. Life, life is a funny thing. A strange thing, full of twists and turns, of joy and sorrow, ups and downs. So short to encompass everything and yet long enough to experience a lot. We make decisions and decisions make us. Life is a string of choices, a beaded necklace that we tread with each choice we make. Choices stem out of choices, opening new paths that lead to new destinations. Destinations are never as important as the journey itself and this is always true, as long as it is true that death itself is not the goal of life. Or maybe life is the goal of death?! Either way, the spiral of existence will always loop towards infinity. The main problem with Infinity, from a human point of view, is that when you think too much about it you just loose the sense of meaning to this life and this entire Universe even, as a temporal transient existential structure. I know, sounds too fancy, but these are fundamental topics being described by mere words here. Alright, I got carried out, this is not what I am going to write about. I will share with you something way more down to earth and commonly trivial. The brief story of the past month and how things entangled into an unforeseen outcome. Let's begin with an overview of

The Job

Hmm, the job. Ahh, uh, yes, I should begin with interjections. The job position is formally designated as a Gift Shop Worker, which includes the usual boring duties associated with this kind of unprofessional engagements. Now you'll say "Well, since you know it's boring, why did you applied for it on the first place?".
Well, firstly, because my initial plans on coming over to NYC included exciting endeavors with literary agents and publishing houses, that had to be dropped due to the unfinished book. This was the first turn. Secondly, I am just that adventurous type of person and just wanted to have some fun, new experience and also this is a good chance to come over and meet American culture first hand, to gain some insight and observation from within. It's not all about making cash.
Not that this sort of jobs are that boring in general, I had worked in this kind of environment before, in Dubai Duty Free shop. Though, back then I was twenty and I really viewed things, well, differently. Even though the job descriptions are very much the same, the experience developed quite differently. Maybe because the clientelle back then in "the desert" seemed somewhat more interesting to interact with, telling me interesting stories of their experiences around the world, there was much more customer service and customer interaction. And the colleague environment was much more fun and, how you said it, receptive. But that alone wasn't the reason why things didn't worked out though.

Lastly, this kind of basic job positions are the only ones available to students, apart from university internships and the like. So, if you want to use your student status to do some traveling, you just have to settle with this kind of work. On this job here, the customers turned out to be boring, basically only asking me the prices of things, as if I look like a price list or something. But at least if the colleagues were cool, but they turned out to be dull with this stereotypal mindset of "I hate my job", always long-faced and not very friendly-oriented. A lot of cons accumulated from the beginning.

And even though, I didn't really had plans on quitting this job, despite its seeming boredomness, but rather I planned on finding a second part-time one to meet different people and boost earnings of course, there is initial investment in this trip, however these ideas also had to be dropped quickly, as I ascertained that having a full-time job engagement just doesn't leave you much room for a second job and I seriously had overestimated my work-a-holic abilities. Yeah, if you are willing to sacrifice your days off and deprive your self from sleep I guess a second job is doable. But I am the creative, opportunistic type of person, rather than the working zombie type. I need my freedom and coming to the realization that people in the "Land of Freedom" aren't as free, as they are taught to think they are, the second-job plans had to be dropped as well. But flexibility is a good trait to cultivate and making fast adjustments to my plans is not a problem. Ok, just stick to this job, I thought, enjoy it as much as you can and just enjoy your free time out, in and around the city. Sure, but soon after another twist came into the scene

The Inconvenient Issue

I will repeat myself from another place, but I am completely amazed at the degree of general ignorance female genital infections are plagued by in modern society. Wait, genital infections?! Yeah, genital infections. I told you it will be banal. I know I have the right of privacy, but there is nothing to hide and sharing is always a good thing, unless it comes to sharing sensitive financial information or company secrets and the like, you know what I mean. Anyway, vaginal infections are a woman's biggest nightmare and greatest embarrassment. Now, I am not going to cover this topic here and my experience with it, since I may repulse my readers, but I will give a link to another blog of mine, where whomever might be interested can read more on this, out of curiosity or seeking some practical advice. It is here.

So, to my complete horror, my body steadily went on its craziest going-wild since I arrived in USA. Not sure why really, adjustment stress, change of diet, other environmental factors, endocrine disruptors in the air!? Just joking on that last one. The real problem is, that having vaginal floral imbalance can be a great social distress for the woman experiencing it and I got my share of distress alright. No STDs here, just plain old bacterial overgrowth that leads to some very unpleasant side effects that can greatly impair your ability to perform well in social contacts, makes you extremely self-conscious in the external type of this notion and generally ruins your day, and days.

Following this unforeseen shift in my health status, my colleagues on the job, behaving with a certain degree of hostility since the beginning, saw this unfortunate biochemical development of mine as a welcome reason for them to harass me about it as much as they could. The increased stress levels didn't helped me at all, so I had to take a leave for a week. That was last week.
I was feeling miserable, like a freak. Good thing there is internet and I found support from other women who experience or have experienced microbiological distresses like this, who gave advice and reassurance. I did thought about visiting a gynecologist, of course, but then I met the American Health Care System face to face.

First, I Googled about near by doctors I can visit and chose a place. I went and presented them with my health insurance Bulstrad Life in association with Coris International. Riiight. They never heard about it. So, I had to pay 150$ just for the consultation. It was then when I decided that I will go for the natural remedies. That was about three weeks plus ago.
The natural remedies do work, but they do take time to start working. And if your body is like mine, usually resistant to everything for a while before it lets it in, whether good or bad, it will take more time for the goodies to build up and take effect. And time was what I didn't had. After two weeks I decided again to give it a try with the doctors. I called a hospital in Staten Island and asked for an appointment with a gynecologist, but the voice over the phone told me that they don't accept new patients until the end of August.

Great, another bummer. Then I looked for another of those private gynecological cabinets near by and found one with an Arab woman doctor. Arabs are usually nice people, generous, they will feed you if you are hungry, so they may as well provide you with medical assistance if you can't afford it.
In short, I went, they called the insurance company, the company spokesperson politely in a politically correct manner declined any responsibilities to my health coverage, the doctor told me I have to pay 175$ for her consultation, I told her I can't afford this at the moment, she asked me how much I can pay, but really I wasn't willing to pay anything or I risked running out of cash with this week off I had taken. I already had done quite a lot of research on the web and established a diagnosis for myself, that actually turned out to be a recurrence, I only asked her to write me a prescription with antibiotics, since this is the fastest way to get better, even though not the longest term one. However, she refused, I tried to persuade her, but she was uncompromising. So I just had to stick with the herbal remedies and the recovery diet. Which is taking effect by now. Though, there are some things that I painfully have to exclude from my diet, like coffee, and I am very sad about this as well. Read if you will at the link above. So much for the health issues. Let's move on to the third intermingled layer of this complex development of the whole situation here

The Love Story

Ah, love, such a beautiful thing. So trivial and yet the soul can ascend to such euphoric spiritual heights on its wings. Day dreaming, pleasant emotions in your chest. So sweet. Let me start from the beginning. Prepare for a soap-romance kind of a story with a big dose of intrigue.

The beginning began, well, kind of a from first sight. Not a cliche. It was a strange attraction that flared up between me and a manager person who was there along with a senior one when I went to present myself to the employer company for the first time.
At first, I just kind of an "unconsciously" cast the occasional look at him, just because he seemed nice and there was this certain charm in his radiance, while speaking with the senior one. I wasn't thinking anything really. However, he did got into my mind for some reason, maybe because I wasn't engaging myself enough with other mental activities.
Then, after a week or so, on the orientation training day this charismatic person behaved in a peculiar, if not strange fashion. The first thing I noticed was the way he greeted me, somewhat personal, somewhat affectionate. I preferred to ignore that, since self-suggestion is always around the corner. Then there were other peculiar elements in his subtle interaction with me that I will skip on describing, because it will just sound weird in words. The behavior of the senior person in this regard was also strange. As if he was cooperating with the younger one, having recognized the mutual attraction. I so much don't like this kind of subtle relations without any direct vocalization. It's so mysterious and prone to self-suggestion. Can't people just openly speak to each other whatever there is they may wish to share?

Anyway, the younger one then wanted me to be assigned at the place he was running, so that he can flirt with me, I presume. I did felt attraction to him, yes. Attraction that later developed into falling in love. However, I noticed a ring band on his hand and this was my major draw back. I mean, why would this person behave like this if he was married? And why would the senior one cooperate with him in this regard? Why, why? So strange. No answers. What am I getting myself into? Is he a mormon or something?! Being love-sick at the job place was the last thing I wanted. I mean, I don't have time and mental resources to allocate to day dreaming, I have a book to finish! What is up with this turn of events!? My heart was beating all excited, pumping blood excessively, making me hot and my brain got a headache.
I decided to step back and chose the other place, where I wouldn't see him, otherwise, this fatal attraction was too risky to handle if we were to see each other every day.

So I went to the Tent. And my bad experience began from there. First there were the weirdo colleague persons, looking at me as if I ate their breakfast. Then the Inconvenient Issue set in the picture and totally messed up everything that I had initially settled for this NYC summer, after the Main Plan was postponed. But that was not all. The charismatic person did indeed felt a strong attraction to me, just as I did for him. And all this from the distance of the ocean, even though about five minute distance by boat.
He called in the Tent, probably about a week after or so, and declared something like "I want her over to my place, because I like her". But he met resistance from the minor managers in the Tent place, who were reluctant to let me over due to one reason and another.
Of course, no one was telling me anything, but that again, I am not def and not stupid by any means as well, even if I may seem ignorant to the casual observer. I was just hearing comments and sporadic discussions about this and based on my initial observation on his behavior based on the attraction and everything I was able to figure out the situation.

A very delicate and complex situation indeed. There was hot intrigue unwinding, the conditions inside the Tent were no cooler, pressure was building and gossip was going wild.
In the meanwhile, I was suffering from seriously low self-esteem due to my bad bacteria going on strike inside of me. And knowing that he likes me and it was no secret to anyone, apart from me, just made me feel like wishing to disappear and reappear somewhere in the Himalayas. I saw two Himalayan monks doing some gift shopping on that day, by the way. Probably a Synchronicity effect.
Oh, and the comments later on developed in some really stupid ones, like "He wants to fuck her". Tell me if all this was a self-suggestion and those comments were meant for someone else. Because I kind of a have built a good degree of confidence in my rationality, over time. However, I can't really completely rule suggestion out, although being wrong in my observations and orientation in the situation is rather unlikely.

And so, I couldn't take all this anymore and took a week off to recover from stress on the job and to decide on what to do based on all the craziness that developed in the preceding weeks. I was close to loosing my mind in that place, lol. During this week I definitely felt myself on the road to recovery and regained my confidence. I also decided to try my chances and look for another, a more suitable and somewhat more interesting job. So I went for "work at home" opportunities, something that will not involve specific working hours nor place, but rather specific targets and deadlines. A more self-initiative opportunity that will give me some space to breathe.

And thank to the Universe, that always guides me the right way, I stumbled upon just the right job offer. An eBay Assistant. Oh, well, I guess I have an eBay karma of some sort. Anywho, I called a guy and after a pre-practiced verbal introduction of my skills and qualities he decided to hire me. We signed a contract over the web, well I signed it and photographed it and sent him the photo via email. I guess that works. The job involves purchasing the items and shipping them via the nearest USPS office. Let's see how well will that go. I hope well enough, because after the recovery week ended, I made a final decision to leave Evelyn Hill. Shht, don't tell anyone. LOL. What the heck, it is still a job, right? I will still pay taxes and spend my money back into the US economy, so it is alright. The rules still apply.

I kind of a feel nostalgic today for quitting the prearranged job, not sure why. And it was a tough decision to make, considering all the events that developed and this attraction with this man. I tried to discuss this side of the whole situation with the senior manager when I went to ask for a permanent leave, but I just couldn't speak out a word on this. So I just left feeling very down and unsettled from within. A lot of questions remained somewhat open. I know I should have said something, or maybe not? I don't know. I definitely had a strange experience with this job, due to both internal and external factors. It was crazy. I wonder what else lies ahead. We shall see. Life is a journey full of twists and turns that we undertake or that drag us along. You have to keep walking, be like water, but like a river, not a pond.

This is about all for now. All comments and feedback are greatly appreciated! Tell me what you think, advise, criticize, anything. I would love to hear from my readers :)

D r e a m O n



beatfarmer - The Long Day, Over by beatfarmer

Travel Diary Photos on Facebook

I was just thinking, that the trend of excessive and needless cursing in american society seems to be their rebellion against the behavioral dogma of religion. Since Americans are quite rigidly religious society with their fanatic catholic schools and sunday church gatherings. So, by cursing, I guess, they think they are exhibiting their free-will and unconventionality. Lol. Cursing is a sign of low culture and lack of emotional self control. Even I curse sometimes, but then I know I lost control, thus my ability to wield myself are not as good and need further workout.

I enjoy Manhattan quite a lot and it's high rise architecture, but I don't really like the people, their rudeness, arrogance and ignorance. However, I am writing this post to leave my facebook profile link, where you can view some of the photos involved in the posts and stories told here.

http://www.facebook.com/ateviel#!/ateviel?v=photos

So, here I am bare and disclosed, lol. No more anonymity, this is me and I am open for the world! One World, one Humanity! This is our world and our history, it is time to write it all together, as one, the one we have always been. One family - Homo Sapiens.