My American Journey. Summer 2010. A Travel Diary - Reminiscence of Teenagehood, Trashing Around

Looking through the window of McDonalds overlooking the Grand Central station across the street, there is a lot of commotion. There is no internet at home, so now I am seeking out wireless points, mostly at McDonaldses. All these people are so distracting, even if you try to ignore them. I am not very used to doing my daily surfing routine and write, even in the blog, surrounded with so much movement and crowds. A lot of motion on the streets, motor vehicles and pedestrians along with the occasional pigeon and squirrel. Yesterday I finally saw rats, two of them in the train station. It was close to midnight and there were just a few people waiting. You don’t see these notorious creatures during the day or maybe they don’t hide, but you just don’t see them because of the commuter crowds. There are a lot of squirrels in public parks and paranoid pigeons who always seem under strain. New York, it is a big city, a vibrant one, filled with so many different peoples. A place of crossroads, where paths meet and converge. Where life paths cross for a moment amids the chaos, exchange knowledge, experience and emotion and then part again, each following its own destination.

I feel somewhat nostalgic about leaving New York after about two weeks from now. I messed things too much and don’t really have free time to stay longer. Maybe later on. Yeah, I will definitely be back, but next time it will be very different. So now just enjoy the most out of this first encounter with American culture in the Big apple and enjoy we do. Me, Samantha and Anna. I will miss them too.

Since the beginning of July I lived like I haven’t since my late teen years. Drinking every other day, doing crazy things, hanging around streets and parks and sleeping from the mornings on until early afternoons, lol, after a night out of drinking in and around the streets of Manhattan. We visited a few clubs too, though Samantha is underage and we can’t go to the real dance clubs, apart from a few. We tried Websters hall, but this place was really crowded, hot and messy, don’t think I’ll be back there again.

A lot of night clubs here have dress codes that require women to wear high heels in order to get in. Well, if this isn’t some kind of male fetish discrimination. I mean, how can you dance if you wear high hills?! This is just ridiculous and funny too, those women trying to move it with high heels on. Anyway, I don’t wear heels, even less so high and I am close to broke again, so I’m totally out of the scene, I guess, lol.

The past two weeks were tough, I haven’t drank so much since years ago. The other day, me and Sam went to a supposedly rock concert at Coney Island. The concert was dull and the music very weak, but it was crowded alright. A lot of young people, a lot of beer. We began drinking from three in the afternoon that day and finished off the last bottle of wine sometime after seven in the morning on the next day. And in between we wandered at Coney island, where I stole a bottle of beer from a grocery store, which I later broke in the train, due to a lack of properly controlled movements of the extremities. Incredible, I totally lost it here, my reasonability and mature behavior, lol.

But hey, experience is what counts and gains now, everything else is not that important. How fun. Then we went off to Times square, already quite drunk. There we met two guys “On the streets” as Samantha said on the next day when I asked her where we met those guys from yesterday, before my memory returned to me. The guys from the streets took us to a home party that turned out to be old classmates gathering, so our presence there was kind of awkward initially, but then we merged in the party. Afterwards me and Sam wandered around the streets in an attempt to go to the ferry station by walking, but I gave up on this and took the transport, then fell asleep in the bus and rode it to the last stop and had to go back. Drunken heads stories, but not with too serious excessions, of course.

Samantha still will get assignments at the more early-party clubs, so we can still go to some, though it would have been better if we were a group of friends, not strangers who just met there. Anyway, this way is fun too, all the prerequisite questions of new meetings are asked, everyone is jolly and slightly reserved. We are to explore more of New York in the week to come, trash around some more and then our paths will part, though we may meet again in another time and circumstances.

My American Journey. Summer 2010. A Travel Diary - Hanging Out in NYC Like a Hippie

At this point, all my initial plans and predictions about this summer, what I’ll do, how things may supposedly go and so on are totally bust. And I am doing some crazy things I never even thought about I would engage myself in while here. For instance, smoking weed, lol, let me get there.

The storyline is multifaceted and in several layers, as usual, and all are more or less intermingled in one aspect or another. But, let me tell you how the main aspect of the storyline of my stay here continued to develop in the past week.

I was browsing and pondering on the mysteries of economics and their hidden workings in the social machine of our civilization. That book I just read on the reasons behind the most recent economic recession was very enlightening indeed, in new and untackled aspects. The world apparently is a very messed up place in every aspect and Capitalism in America is not much different than the feudal ways of the previous centuries. Still, hierarchy is intrinsic to human societies and is nothing new, just the tools and the means have changed. Not the humans.

Last week two new roommates arrived, one from Ukraine, who had forgotten her passport and documents somewhere at the security check points in the airport, and a girl from Brazil, who came in NYC to take a photography class. Our first interactions at the common area in the house were very formal and in the form of basic dialogues, while each of the involved was indulged in their own inner worlds and the things on one own’s mind. The girl from Ukraine seemed like the average girl with very bad English, so that our communication wasn’t easy nor very engaging. The Brazilian girl, however, turned out to be deep waters and we fitted each other very neatly. She’s a crazy, adventurous head, just like me, though about seven years younger.

While I still had no definite idea on what I will be going to do in the very near future ahead, decided that there isn’t much point in working 9 to 5 for just a few months, I wasn’t going to do any money, apart from what I need to pay a very basic accommodation and have pocket money for the month. I don’t want to postpone my education after all and I have to take my exams this fall, so overstaying or extending the visa period was out. Yes, I would have gained some interesting experience and know-how in the e-commerce work with the Jewish people, sure, but couldn’t have enjoyed much of the city this way. Working full-time and commuting to work take a lot of your day you know. I was just wasting my time, I concluded, here and on the whole. So, I decided to embark on adventure and gambled on it. I was to enjoy New York city and my summer vacation here the most I could and go back home to resume the path of my life I was following.

Though everything still uncertain, I just knew it will all fall to place and settle, so I was feeling really spaced-out and idle in stand by for a while, just gaining life experience and insight while high on inspiration from the buzz of it all. Just as my stunt began to prolong into boredom, me and the two new girls found likeness in one another, mostly in our lack of orientation and overall confusion and we started hanging out together. The girl from Ukraine had lost her prearranged job, because of her being too late to show up, had very little money and was looking for a cheap place to stay for another week, while deciding on whether to stay in NYC or go to another state. The Brazilian had came as a tourist, but with the intention to stay along longer, enroll into a photography course here and find a job. And I, who came for no clear reason, to gain experience and just wander around for a change. I really needed this change of setting and routine, this travel to excite me and fill me up with impressions, and by now I feel psychologically rejuvenated from this trip, even reborn from within in certain ways. A great adventure, filled with improvisation and suspense! And a lot of new knowledge, yeah.

We spent a few days around Manhattan, in parks with public WiFi and in libraries providing it. Browsing for jobs and affordable accommodation. We couldn’t find anything for three of us and I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to live in one room with two other people, even though buddies. Then Anna went into a hostel and me and the Brazilian decided to move out together. We saw a few places for 300-350 per person, share rooms, but they were all dreadful. We weren’t going to find anything better for cheap. In the end, we talked to our current host and bargained with him to move in his other house and pay for a share room, me and Samantha. The other house is actually worse than the first and the rooms are priced higher. Speaking about adequate pricing. It is very old and worn, made with brick foundation a meter from the ground and the rest of plank wood and plastic. At least it feels cooler, maybe because we are on the first floor. The second is in process of renovation, a halted process at the moment. There is one average-sized bedroom with a small hallway from it to a small bathroom. The bedroom is connected via a double-winged door to the living room, which leads to the kitchen. We are to sleep together in the bedroom and the living room is available for rent from one or two other persons. Incredible, a floor designed for one or two, being rented to four. So crampy, maybe if we were all good friends and staying up to a week, but in every other case, this is horrible.

For now we are alone, so she sleeps in one room and I in the other. Though we aren’t staying at home much, the house on the whole is definitely not predisposing for this. Anyway, we have a place to stay until the end of the month and only for 275$ per person. Well, that wasn’t a bad deal, considering the overall prices and circumstances.

The day before we moved in, I and Sam went out in Manhattan and after an afternoon of wandering around and browsing the web we unanimously decided to have a drink. So, we went to a grocery store at Broadway and bought a bottle of wine. We decided on Australian, so that it be interesting and far away taste for both of us. We asked the seller if we can leave it in the cooler isles to chill and he didn’t mind. Then he opened it for us as well. Prior to that we had supplied ourselves with convenient vessels for the ancient beverage, closed, opaque cups from McDonalds, that is, large size. The reason for all the discreetness is that alcohol consumption outside establishments is not allowed in New York. I was a bit concerned on being caught, yeah, because with Samantha being under the legal age for drinking would have gotten me in some trouble. And so, we drank, and hiked the streets all night long. We sat in a nice block garden with square tables and chairs made of stone with red tint, surrounded by the skyscrapers and ate hummus with flat bread. So cool, so unexpected, I ate hummus and drank wine at a public garden in downtown Manhattan. When we were finishing off our third bottle, the sun was already rising above the city and daylife was slowly reactivating. Broadway was surprisingly barren and dark at night, not what one would expect really. There was some activity in the SoHo area and around night clubs along, there were people at Times square too, some youths hanging around and passing-by drunken dudes. On the whole, however, New York is very much asleep at night, not much differently than other big cities in the world, even more so than some of them, as I have heard. I guess, “The city that never sleeps” meme is again born out of propaganda, for the larger part. The legend is dismissed now, New York does sleep at night.

And we did this again and again, just hanging around and drinking coffee or milk shake, lol. I find some reminiscent feel in my experience here with some parts of the same from Dubai, like a déjà vu in a different setting. And that is, apart from the look and atmo of some parts of Broadway, the way we hide and feel like law-brakers drinking outside, disguising like casual tourists on the hike. As we found out that on Sunday mornings alcohol selling is not allowed in NYC, thus we had to persuade the sellers in the store until they agreed to sell us two cans of beer, but we had to hide them and watch out not to be seen, they warned us, we agreed. I saw a Jumeirah hotel the other day somewhere around downtown Mnhttn as well.

Our new neighborhood is a pretty interesting place too. Different than the previous, even though not much far from it, still in SI. And not that different even so, maybe there are more latino people around. We are on a bad street, it seems. Yesterday, I saw two boys at the next door house smoking weed in the backyard and asked them if they had some, so one of them turned out to be a dealer. Now we have his mobile and can call him if we need Green, yo. On the way out the same day, just on the street outside two black guys and a girl asked us if we “Knew Marihuana”, wanting to sell us, I presume. We pretended that we don’t understand, because we already had found a local dealer just next door. Wow, I never thought I’ll be smoking weed in NYC. Now, that’s a surprise, among everything else. Meanwhile, Samantha found a job as a night club photographer and she can also bring along friends for free, which is pretty cool. I guess now we have the chance to do some clubbing in NYC as well, in the weeks ahead. Nice, we’ll see to it. The story twists on and on, and even though the downturns, I do enjoy it thoroughly, yeah, it is all just so hippie.

My American Journey. Summer 2010. A Travel Diary - Misc. Developments, Impressions, Et Cetera

Today I was to meet a strangely easy-going guy, to whom I spoke the other day on the phone in regards to a job offer for "E-commerce Sales Associate". The address where I was supposed to go was in a south-western location in Brooklyn and he told me that it was "A warehouse, basically".
I looked up the address in Google maps and saw there garage-like doors on a red-brick building stretching along narrow street with a residential compartment building of the same style across the warehouse building. There was an uninviting steel bridge spanning on the background and some graffiti on the walls. "Suspicious" I thought, thinking about psychopaths who lure naive victims, lock them up and torture them to death. As there was no one to take with me and wait me outside, for security, I decided to leave a note in my room with the address and the mobile of the guy, saying that I will be back by 5PM or call if later. A girl from Russia was supposed to review my room on the same day, so my host would see it and keep it in mind. So I did and left.

Took the R train and then walked about half an hour, a distance that strangely didn't seemed that long on the map, as opposed to other times when I walk with ease distances that seem longer on the maps. Probably the difference was due to the mindset. I was in a hurry, late for the interview and concerned about its legitimacy, and the part of the neighborhood it was located at. There was this large, steel bridge following along the route I was going to. Low rise red-brick buildings, road intersections and car-service garages. The local mafia probably resided somewhere around, the setting was just right. So, I reached the place and entered a large, metal-roll garage door that was opened. It was a warehouse alright filled with small and large boxes with electronics, as far as I could observe. There was a latino dude whom I asked for confirmation of the location, he nodded and then asked him for the guy with whom I was supposed to meet. He went into a door at the warehouse wall and then called me in.

There was a corridor and offices inside, everything seemed normal, just right. I was surprised to see that the guy in question was a Jewish person dressed in white shirt and black trousers, just the black coat and the stovepipe hat were missing, he had his kippah on though, also plain black. He behaved weird, almost as if the whole interview was a joke. I presented my qualities and skills to him in a professional and confident manner of speech and he said he was impressed. Then another Jewish man came into the office, but he didn't shake hands with me due to religious reasons. They discussed my best possible assignment and decided they'll call me after the 4th of July holidays for a 30-day trial of my performance. We discussed vaguely the payment, I know Jewish people prefer to receive money, rather than give it out, so I decided to negotiate the salary more thoroughly when definite assignment is given next week. Good, I left and took on a right turn to wander a bit around the streets at this part of Brooklyn. Then another guy called me, also impressed by my Resume (good thing I didn't included the Unpredictable quality after all. It may be a plus if I apply for a job at CERN though for a position of "Experimental Particle" or something similar, hey they may find new elements in me colliding my protons with protons of the Universe, who knows, I may contain atoms from the Big Bang, lol) anyway, where was I. The other guy also needed a person to work with e-commerce websites, but initially he needed that person for customer service position, while things get going in the office, as the firm was a new starter and was yet to develop its business. Sounds interesting.
I can't take both jobs at once, but which one should I choose? Now here's again one of these choices in life. The Jewish people don't seem very reliable and they seem stingy too. Though I may be wrong. The new-starter firm has some potential prospects in it, since it is new, I could contribute to its growth and thus establish myself there and my pay too. I will see to try them both and just take one. Hey, I'm not going to be here too long any way, even though I pretend otherwise.

On the way back I walked again to the train, this time with a different mindset, the weather was pleasant, the people awkward, the urban setting just like from the movies. The stop was located on a high place and there was this nice urban view towards the Statue of Liberty, which was clearly visible in the distance. "Ah, my old colleagues are arranging keychains and folding t-shirts hard right now and I'm here looking at them from the height and I'm free!" LoL.

Then I went to a real estate agency to see for cheap rents for the week to follow. Wrong. You don't go to an agency when you need cheap. They charge a service tax, stupid. Right. So I'll have to look up in websites or on Craigslist for offers directly from renters. By the way, when I informed my host that I'll be leaving in about a week he said "Ok, but you don't get your security deposit back without a 30 day notice".. "What?!" I was shocked. "Listen now, you HAVE to give me back my money.. or I'll kick your butt!" Nah, I didn't said it like that, but was persuasive enough to make him rethink. So we made a deal that if he finds someone to fill up my place until the 30th of June, he would return my deposit, because "It's just not ethical" he said, right you are. Actually, I really don't have the money to pay him the rent for next month anyway, that is why I need my deposit back, so that I look up a cheaper place, pay it for a week until I receive some payment from somewhere and move in another place for a full month, or pay for another week if things go slower.
Risk it, head on, let's see how things will turn out in the end. You either win or loose, in both cases its a win-win situation, because I gain experience and even some wisdom and insight here and there, I value these more than money, though money is what I need right now.

When I went back "home" I spoke with him and in the end I was able to negotiate to stay until the 7th of July for 105$ and he will return me 345$ from my original deposit, so, instead of paying 125$ minimum for the week ahead worth of rent I only paid 50$, which was a pretty good bargain, excellent.

On the way back to Staten Island I diverged to Wall St. It was my first visit to the notorious place, though I have passed by it many times already. On the Parthenon-styled arch held by classic Greek-style columns with this predominant leafy design of the capitals in New York city there was a scene of stone-cut statues of people working on the field, lol. The peculiar element however was the central figure, which was a woman with Hermes' wings on her head. Strange. Women are incorporated in New York's architectural symbolism in a very peculiar way, not sure where this tendency derives from, is it because of the initial mythological symbolism incorporated in the Statue of Liberty by its designer? Very interesting, female-warrior and strong, leader-type females are seen at a lot of places in statues and stone reliefs around Manhattan, along with Mercury and his accessories. So mysterious, and yet there hasn't been a female president for instance. Strange messages or whatever the reason for this architectural tendency here. I just love the architecture of NYC, it's scale and grandeur are overwhelming, so cool. Provide great landscape for some awesome vertical photography too.

As for those prevailing black spots on the pavements I mentioned in previous posts, one person a while ago that we spoke casually on a bus stop suggested that they may be old chewing gums. "What, so many?!". Weird, I should scratch them some time to inspect them closer up, so to determine their possible origins first hand. I mean, chewing gums? This may be the urban effect of American chewing culture, lol, side effect that is.
Another peculiarity in the news, people here seem to still live in the Cold War era with one foot. In the recent days there has been reports in the local news channels about Russian spies that have been intercepted by the US government in New Jersey and detained in charges of spying and exporting government secrets to Russia. LoL, now that's funny. This is serious stuff man, it is Spy business! When are we going to grow up, this is just so sad and pitiful. Economy based on war, just so sad. Why can't peoples just cooperate with each other, cooperation can also be a form of competition, so that advancement be ensured, right!?

My American Journey. Summer 2010. A Travel Diary - First Impressions

The people in whose house I will be staying turned out to be really neat couple of a third generation Italian immigrant male and a Chinese female. They picked me up from the airport and were very nice to me. They took me with them to a super market, where I bought some food essentials and made use of their transport once again. They were also very cooperative when I forgot my bag with all my documents in a cafe at the ferry station, but this is another short story.

I am staying in Staten island, about fifteen minutes bus ride from the St.George ferry station. By the way, I flew with Airbus A380 and it is a really huge double decker airplane, an impressive machine. It flew and landed very smoothly, but I don't know why the air condition inside was turned up so low, that I couldn't get a proper sleep even, since I was freezing. The meals were good too and the seats comfortable, 4 out of 5 points for Air France, if it wasn't for the freezing condition. Maybe they should install heaters, instead of coolers, lol, being -40 C outside at 11,000 km. most of the time.

Anyway, when I arrived the first couple of days it was scourging heat in New York, probably the temperature would have felt much more comfortable if it wasn't for the extreme humidity in the air. The worst thing is, that I was told, that in the following summer months ahead, this hot and humid hell will settle to be the norm for the summer. Not good. Just as I was beginning to think that I shouldn't have taken my spring jacket, the weather drastically changed. Strong winds brought thick clouds in the sky, rain began to pour and the temperatures dropped so low, that a few nights I had to sleep with clothes on and still I was freezing in my bed. My room's walls seemed like cardboard with no insulation at all. The wind gusts were not only strong, but really cold too. Freezing ocean breeze just went straight trough my bones. It was tough, really tough. If there are such cold winds in the spring, I can't imagine how people survive here in the winter outside!?

Yesterday and today the weather is improving, being cold mostly during the A.M. hours before noon. The nights aren't that cold anymore too. The humidity completely disappeared and the sun's warmth is very neat and pleasant. Crazy weather shifts.

Let's start chronologically from the first day now. I arrived on Friday and on the first day of May I took a good urban hike around the streets of Manhattan. Urban hiking is one of my favorite activities in new and exciting cities! Riding a bicycle is fun too, but you can't really see as much details and the bike rentals weren't exactly cheap really, especially if you want to rent it, say for a whole day, since it is paid on an hourly basis, something like 10-15$ per hour, helllo?

So, I got up early in Saturday morning and took off to the bus stop, which the Chinese lady showed me the previous day. The buses are well air conditioned (sometimes too well), the fair is a bit expensive tough, 2.25 USD per ride, no matter the distance. Having said that, everything is a bit expensive, too expensive even! And I also heard comments in this regards from other European tourists on many occasions. (Which reminds me about Michael Moore's movie "Sicko"and the part with the 120$ asthma inhalator that costs 5 Cents in Cuba....), but this I will expand in another post. I wen to the St.George ferry station and got on a big, smooth riding orange boat, that had three floors and hundreds of seats inside. The Manhattan - Staten island ferry is free, probably one of the very few free things in USA, apart from public fountains to quench your thirst at. From the ferry I turned left and went into Battery park. I phoned my employer, but they seemed surprised of my arrival, even though my start date was 1st May. So, in all, I had a full free week to just wander around and gradually run out of cash, lol. The organization and cooperation between the different agencies involved in this Work and Travel program do seem very loose, I guess every party is mostly concerned with collecting their taxes, of course, leaving the rest to the student's orientation skills. Luckily, mine are fairly good. So, after I knew I wasn't going to meet the work environment today I just proceeded to the urban hiking part.

I simply took off from the park, following the side walk towards the impressive heights of the buildings around and intuitively found myself on one of the probably most famous streets in Manhattan - Broadway. I took a picture in front of this charging bull Brass sculpture at the entrance of Broadway, which I guess symbolizes the aggressive financial risks people take on Wall street, which was near by. There was a line of people wanting to do the same. Then I just started to walk and look all around me, mostly upwards.

The 20th century high rise architecture of Manhattan is truly impressive with gorgeous masonry details, packed with symbolism in the form of sculptures, ornamental elements and esoteric allusions. And esoteric symbolism in the New York architecture is plentiful indeed. It seems that NYC is full of masons and their signs are just everywhere. Which adds up more to the experience of the mystery-minded adventurous traveler, who is looking up to read the signs. Hermes/Mercury and his Caduceus are just everywhere, being a favorite figure of architects and traders alike. Walking further along Broadway I passed by a 300 year old church made of brown stone with Gothic design and an old graveyard. There were a few masonic graves there as well, along with many other 18th century inscribed grave slabs. A bit further northwards there is another old church, where George Washington used to pray and some 100 meters behind it is the site of the 9/11 WTC twin towers, now a big construction lot with huge cranes working.

As I was walking and enjoying the grand scale and masonry of the buildings a negative trend established, that was the last thing I expected to see and this were the dirty streets. The pavements were stained with some kind of spots and greasy-like spills and also there were these black spottings all over the sidewalks, not only on Broadway, but on every street I have walked on so far in Manhattan and Staten Island alike. Do they wash the streets? The commercial garbage was also not lacking, mostly cigarette ends, candy wraps and papers. I mean, in my country - Bulgaria - we have been recently having some troubles with the garbage disposal company taking care of my city - Sofia - and yet the streets are cleaner than the streets of New York. I really completely didn't expected to see that and I was truly surprised. The verdict is that the streets of New York need to be cleaned and the people should learn to dispose their garbage and cigarettes in the trash cans, not on the pavement. In many European countries there are fines if you trow your cigarette on the street.

When I reached Union Square, there was a modest protest of working unions for Labor Day. I passed by them and continued straight on Park Ave. Guided by a huge, plain and ugly corporate building in the distance with a big "Metlife" logo (which reminded me of "Sicko"again) I reached the Grand Station terminal. There was this big and gorgeous stone sculpture of masterly craft with Mercury, standing on top of a beautiful clock with roman numerals, in symbolic composition with a man, holding tools on his right side and a scribal woman on his left side. I will dig deeper into the meaning and interpretation of the architectural symbolism of different statues like this one in another post! Inside the terminal was very impressive, the masonry decorations above the sealing windows, the huge chandeliers and zodiac sky sealing - a real beauty of human creativity indeed. The Mercury's caduceus persists almost in every decorative element, along with an old-style ship steering wheel with wings (which I presume are the wings of Hermes). Later on I will include photos as links to the posts where appropriate!

From the Grand Station I continued on, passed the Rockfeller building and finally reached Central park. In all I walked about 2.5 hours from the ferry station to Central park. A walk that I really enjoyed and recommend to every tourist who really wants to experience Manhattan close up. You should hike the streets, forget bus rides, bicycles or cars, you will see nothing from a window! Central park was a pretty fresh green spot amids the skyscrapers surrounding it. A beautiful piece of phytodesign and landshafting. I hiked a little bit along the alleys and went on the other side, which is the east side. Then I took the street next to the park back, which was the 8th Ave. The grid is a bit confusing to navigate initially, but when you get the hang of it you can orientate well in it. So, I passed by Times Square and I really kind of almost missed to notice it. There was nothing too impressive about the place, the pavements were dirty, but the excessive number of blinking commercials on the buildings finally caught my attention and I recognized the popularized place, where teen fans of MTV Total Request gather to scream and wave to the cameras. In all, I was really left with the impression that those famous landmarks of Manhattan are simply overexposed and overadvertised, so that when you see them live you just can't help it but remain somewhat disappointed with the difference of what you have expected and what you actually see. This is the negative effect of too much populism I guess. Or maybe, New York has kind of a lost its former glory, for a complex of reasons leading from the past and the build-up of mistakes and negatives.