My American Journey. Summer 2010. A Travel Diary - The Retrospective Reflection. Emotions, Memories, Still Hot and Frenzied

Back home again. I had a head-on come back the past week, continuing the hippie-style hanging out with friends, along with some clubbing and drinking lots of wine and beer, yeah. Lol. I went up to some very refreshing mountain hiking, climbing to Mt. Vitosha’s ‘Kamen del’ summit at the northern side of the mountain, steeply overlooking the city. One of my favorite spots, good for contemplation and experience one of those abstract moments when you step out and feel as one with the mystery of creation. Me and mom went up to Musala summit on Mt. Rila this weekend. It was her first time there. The views were mesmerizing, as always, and the weather not so bad with just a few lightnings here and there behind the distant ridges, some fog that came and went blown by the wind and a little precipitation. The beginning of every trek is the hardest, I have established. You set up your mindset and adjust your body to the physical demands of the environment. Then gradually you settle up your pace and this moment comes when I feel that the more i walk the more I can walk, with some relaxing brakes in between of course. The experience one gains on the mountain trails is so enriching, so powerful and sometimes altering. Just like meeting with new cultures in unexplored cities, although the experience one gains from Nature is mostly one about oneSelf. While new cultures teach you a lot of exterior knowledge, about history and traditions, about peoples and social evolution. You can’t compare exploring mountain trails and exploring new cities, they are both different and both so awesome. I love it. I love my country too, the plains, the mountains, the waters, it’s beauty.

This summer has been quite a cloudy and rainy one here with a lot of thunderstorms. Strange, early spring or fall-like weather conditions. It’s hot and slightly dampy, though it is nothing like in NYC, lol. Last summer was the same. The weather is going crazy alright. Heat waves and excessive water bring misery to communities all over the globe. Last winter snow fell on the beaches of Spain and this summer Russia is being scourged in heat. Seems like the weather swings more and more to the extremes. Surely all this is a part of a pattern that spans much more than the history of human civilization in time. The weather is a complex thing, just like about everything in this world, even though its’ seeming simplicity. Of course, the most complex things many times prove to be of the most simple nature, but that is a matter of perspectives. Anyway, there is the Sun, Earth’s orbit around it and the axes of those two cosmic bodies, then there are magnetic fields, ocean currents and movements of air masses, atmospheric pressures and all the local weather systems that play role.

Wait, why I am talking about the weather? Lol, i may expand on this topic at another time, Global Warming and stuff is a trendy topic nowadays. A major change in technology is imminent, however, and the vibe of the buzz is filling the air. The dead of oil-based technology draws near, however the resistance of big corporations and along this change, another change in minds is also very strong as unfolding potential. A lot of changes, so much potential. But may be that’s how it always has been. After all, human history is one of constant change, the air has always been filled with potential. It is just that the more knowledge we gain collectively in history, the more we progress in it and with the lots of much more humans alive in the past half a century than any other time in history, the less time between great discoveries, advancements and major changes in different aspects and even global ones. So that is why every following century is filled with even more action, progressions of events and historical excitement than the one before. Of course, this progression of human history may turn out in a very different and unexpected way. Imagine it is not all constant advancement that we are facing in this route, I mean, in the cosmos things are made up to follow a rather sharp parabolic curve in their existence, that is a slower beginning, then accelerating peak, then sharp drop down and gradual deceleration towards an existential end or more like a transformation of energies. Either way, it is end for one form of existence, which is the one we are concerned with right now. Left? (wink)

So anyway, back to Earth. It’s good to have Euronews and the documentary channels again and 3in1 instant coffee, lol. There is no Monster energy drinks here though and all the smart and superfoods loaded with a bunch of vitamins so plentiful in US grocery venues. So sad. We definitely need to import these, I’m sure they will have a lot of fans here, along myself.

Looking back now and comparing, I come to see and appreciate the whole of my experience with American culture better, much better even, clearer the details, the knowledge and impressions gained. It is interesting that in order to gain objectivity in your outlook, you have to step out, sometimes literally, but always, this is a rule. Actually, that is why it is easier to judge others than yourself, and be critical to other cultures than your own. Because of human mind being subjective by default and thus all of its experience and the interpretation of this experience. But if you step out you begin to see, when you step out and soar above or position yourself at a center, not at any side.

Speaking of energy drinks, one peculiar difference element is the can size I wondered at much earlier, though haven’t mentioned it so far. In NYC there where three different sizes from which one could choose, that is a medium and big, apart from the standard small size. Like the drinks in fast food chains. I haven’t seen other sizes of cans here in my country, just the standard ones, whether energy drink or soda.

It is a small detail that speaks something on its own about the interesting mechanism of the commercial aspect of American society. The buy-more-pay-less rule is always valid, whether on consumer or industrial scale. The more you produce, the less the cost of every individual production unit and the more you buy, the less you pay per liter or Kg. It is a weird presumption of economics really. I’m sure the whole system can be much more productive and less burdening. After all, economic theory and practice does need a major update after a couple of centuries in use, don’t you think? Anyway, the buy-more-pay-less deal is all prevailing in USA. The up-side is for the businesses that sell more and profit more and consumers get more for less money, however there is a subtle trickstery attached to this market strategy. That is, people are lured to consume more, which leads to other negative effects like obesity and lack of appreciation, which leads to food-fights popular in US culture.

This is just one element in the precarious imbalance of global economy, of course. The buy-more strategy has more up-turns for businesses in the end and overall it seems that US economy favors businesses more than consumers. Corporations over individuals from the general population. The ultimate capitalism, where social ideals are not recognized as anything profitable and thus desirable, even though the warm sentiments of the US Constitution. Anyway, there are a lot of opportunities for making profit in USA, this is true, and it is a great place to do business and trade.

Oh yeah, the black spots all over the streets that I roamed in NYC I told you about in previous posts, I saw the same on public walkways in my city here too. It is a strange thing I never really noticed these before. However, their quantity is way less here and they are absent on many other streets and pavements around the downtown area, where most people converge. Samantha suggested they are old, covered with a thick layer of street dust chewing gums and said that in her city, Rio de Janeiro, the streets also have them and that at places like bus stops they were really a lot.

Peculiar element indeed, I think it has something to do with cultural habits. The bus stops here are not littered with black spots and the streets are rather clean in comparison really, however there is no air condition in public transport. So inconvenient, mostly during the summer that is, at winter there are air heaters on, though sometimes this is annoying when your clothes are warm enough for outside and you don’t want to remove your jacket, hat and everything while riding the bus.

Another small peculiarity I stumbled upon while in the US that came to explanation here were the cigarettes that always lit off when left in the ashtray to burn. My uncle told me this was probably a precaution measure to prevent forest fires, for example. Hmm, interesting suggestion. Instead of relying on people’s conscience and awareness, just make the tobacco fire-proof. You simply can’t rely on people’s conscious behavior, that is why laws, automated mechanisms and bio-engineered tobacco are needed to keep things smooth and safe in check. It will not be too long until cars become fully automated, similar to the scenario showed in Minority Report in this regard, I’m sure.

It is so strange really that people always needed to impose upon themselves social orders and systems in order to attain collective self-control. That’s probably because the individual self-control and awareness have been always missing. So sad. It turned out that we still live at the end of the Middle Ages. Even societies from industrially developed countries still bear so many elements from the past, too much.

On the whole, having still been ruled by instinctive motivators of greed, selfishness, segregation, aggression, domination, lust and all the primitive behavioral patterns and frames that lead to all the different variations of the intrinsic human behavior. Yes, variations, that’s what makes us different. There is rarely anything new or unique in what’s done, in what humans do. Mostly different ways of doing, different paths and recombinations in an increasingly more complex urban environment.

I now confirm to myself that people are pretty much the same. No matter where in the world. No matter whether they belong to a society from the East or from the West. Religions and traditions can make societies quite different from one another, yet the basic human behavior, their aspirations, needs, strives, emotions and relationships are very much the same. People are not that different, at all.

And American society, especially the cosmopolitan one that is found in NYC, is a really interesting experiment, a phenomenon even. Consisting of so many different peoples coming from different cultures, religions and traditions that are kept alive and practiced by all the ethnic groups living together there and yet all the groups are collectively unified under their American Dream and its cultural identifiers. Like a prototype of the future unified global human society. Though, a very unpolished and undeveloped prototype, as I don’t think an economic capitalism with this strong feudal elements is anything peacefully sustainable and positive for a healthy and well balanced society. Of course, there is time for the future humanity and right now things are the way they are, hardly changeable “overnight”.

So, we have to enjoy, since we are here now anyway and lay the foundations for a renewed humanity today, plant the seed, so it can grow and bloom in generations to follow.

I miss Samantha, I sincerely hope she finds her way and accomplishes what she came in New York city for, enroll in professional photography course and find an artistic job in this field, that will grow her from within and bring her a lot of experience. I contemplate on Michael too, it was a strange meeting, and all the intrigues that entangled on the job during this month working for Evelyn Hill, and all the craziness that followed after I decided to leave it and go freelance. Man, I had an awesome summer, just wicked.

Well, I didn’t really made any money, apart from those spent there. And now I have a loan of a couple-o-thousand dollar to return here to my employer-partner with whom we work in eBay, which should be cleared in an year or so worth of monthly bonuses, provided sales are good and better. I’m thinking on proposing an expansion of our e-commerce venture to other trade networks as well, maybe even creating a commercial website on our own, along with our eBay activity, all to boost profits and return money faster.

So there, something positive out of it, a sort of business expansion with willingness to invest more time into, which was something I was trying to avoid previously, because I needed a good part-time job, you know, to have time for study and writing and everything. And this eBay opportunity that popped-up was the perfect thing, considering the very little developed e-commerce and online services fields here in Bulgaria. Anyway, all will be good, I’m sure.

I kind of miss New York now, that city charmed me really, though it feels good to be home after all. Even though I do appreciate that it is a lot easier to start a business or make decent money in NYC than it is here in my city, Sophia. However, the real estate here is much more reasonable on the other hand, of course, not if you are on the average salary.

USA may be a weird place, but it is not so bad place to be after all, at least New York city, has a lot of vibe and possibilities.

Anyway, right now I have to readjust my mindset and do some study for the exams that are due at the beginning of September and then I have to pull all my thoughts together and organize them, concentrate and put all my creativity into completing my book by the end of the year. And next summer I have to graduate my BA. In between all this I must, absolutely must think out a way to establish a good and sustainable income, did some brainstorming today, but all I can think up so far is e-shop with a touch of unconventionality. I have no idea how and where I can supply the inventory, so far. A very basic draft idea that I’ve been having lurking in the back of my mind for some months now. We shall see.

On the photos: Upwards Musala summit. The first photo: a bad photo from Kamen del summit overlooking Sofia city.

p e a c e ;}

My American Journey. Summer 2010. A Travel Diary - Reminiscence of Teenagehood, Trashing Around

Looking through the window of McDonalds overlooking the Grand Central station across the street, there is a lot of commotion. There is no internet at home, so now I am seeking out wireless points, mostly at McDonaldses. All these people are so distracting, even if you try to ignore them. I am not very used to doing my daily surfing routine and write, even in the blog, surrounded with so much movement and crowds. A lot of motion on the streets, motor vehicles and pedestrians along with the occasional pigeon and squirrel. Yesterday I finally saw rats, two of them in the train station. It was close to midnight and there were just a few people waiting. You don’t see these notorious creatures during the day or maybe they don’t hide, but you just don’t see them because of the commuter crowds. There are a lot of squirrels in public parks and paranoid pigeons who always seem under strain. New York, it is a big city, a vibrant one, filled with so many different peoples. A place of crossroads, where paths meet and converge. Where life paths cross for a moment amids the chaos, exchange knowledge, experience and emotion and then part again, each following its own destination.

I feel somewhat nostalgic about leaving New York after about two weeks from now. I messed things too much and don’t really have free time to stay longer. Maybe later on. Yeah, I will definitely be back, but next time it will be very different. So now just enjoy the most out of this first encounter with American culture in the Big apple and enjoy we do. Me, Samantha and Anna. I will miss them too.

Since the beginning of July I lived like I haven’t since my late teen years. Drinking every other day, doing crazy things, hanging around streets and parks and sleeping from the mornings on until early afternoons, lol, after a night out of drinking in and around the streets of Manhattan. We visited a few clubs too, though Samantha is underage and we can’t go to the real dance clubs, apart from a few. We tried Websters hall, but this place was really crowded, hot and messy, don’t think I’ll be back there again.

A lot of night clubs here have dress codes that require women to wear high heels in order to get in. Well, if this isn’t some kind of male fetish discrimination. I mean, how can you dance if you wear high hills?! This is just ridiculous and funny too, those women trying to move it with high heels on. Anyway, I don’t wear heels, even less so high and I am close to broke again, so I’m totally out of the scene, I guess, lol.

The past two weeks were tough, I haven’t drank so much since years ago. The other day, me and Sam went to a supposedly rock concert at Coney Island. The concert was dull and the music very weak, but it was crowded alright. A lot of young people, a lot of beer. We began drinking from three in the afternoon that day and finished off the last bottle of wine sometime after seven in the morning on the next day. And in between we wandered at Coney island, where I stole a bottle of beer from a grocery store, which I later broke in the train, due to a lack of properly controlled movements of the extremities. Incredible, I totally lost it here, my reasonability and mature behavior, lol.

But hey, experience is what counts and gains now, everything else is not that important. How fun. Then we went off to Times square, already quite drunk. There we met two guys “On the streets” as Samantha said on the next day when I asked her where we met those guys from yesterday, before my memory returned to me. The guys from the streets took us to a home party that turned out to be old classmates gathering, so our presence there was kind of awkward initially, but then we merged in the party. Afterwards me and Sam wandered around the streets in an attempt to go to the ferry station by walking, but I gave up on this and took the transport, then fell asleep in the bus and rode it to the last stop and had to go back. Drunken heads stories, but not with too serious excessions, of course.

Samantha still will get assignments at the more early-party clubs, so we can still go to some, though it would have been better if we were a group of friends, not strangers who just met there. Anyway, this way is fun too, all the prerequisite questions of new meetings are asked, everyone is jolly and slightly reserved. We are to explore more of New York in the week to come, trash around some more and then our paths will part, though we may meet again in another time and circumstances.

My American Journey. Summer 2010. A Travel Diary - Hanging Out in NYC Like a Hippie

At this point, all my initial plans and predictions about this summer, what I’ll do, how things may supposedly go and so on are totally bust. And I am doing some crazy things I never even thought about I would engage myself in while here. For instance, smoking weed, lol, let me get there.

The storyline is multifaceted and in several layers, as usual, and all are more or less intermingled in one aspect or another. But, let me tell you how the main aspect of the storyline of my stay here continued to develop in the past week.

I was browsing and pondering on the mysteries of economics and their hidden workings in the social machine of our civilization. That book I just read on the reasons behind the most recent economic recession was very enlightening indeed, in new and untackled aspects. The world apparently is a very messed up place in every aspect and Capitalism in America is not much different than the feudal ways of the previous centuries. Still, hierarchy is intrinsic to human societies and is nothing new, just the tools and the means have changed. Not the humans.

Last week two new roommates arrived, one from Ukraine, who had forgotten her passport and documents somewhere at the security check points in the airport, and a girl from Brazil, who came in NYC to take a photography class. Our first interactions at the common area in the house were very formal and in the form of basic dialogues, while each of the involved was indulged in their own inner worlds and the things on one own’s mind. The girl from Ukraine seemed like the average girl with very bad English, so that our communication wasn’t easy nor very engaging. The Brazilian girl, however, turned out to be deep waters and we fitted each other very neatly. She’s a crazy, adventurous head, just like me, though about seven years younger.

While I still had no definite idea on what I will be going to do in the very near future ahead, decided that there isn’t much point in working 9 to 5 for just a few months, I wasn’t going to do any money, apart from what I need to pay a very basic accommodation and have pocket money for the month. I don’t want to postpone my education after all and I have to take my exams this fall, so overstaying or extending the visa period was out. Yes, I would have gained some interesting experience and know-how in the e-commerce work with the Jewish people, sure, but couldn’t have enjoyed much of the city this way. Working full-time and commuting to work take a lot of your day you know. I was just wasting my time, I concluded, here and on the whole. So, I decided to embark on adventure and gambled on it. I was to enjoy New York city and my summer vacation here the most I could and go back home to resume the path of my life I was following.

Though everything still uncertain, I just knew it will all fall to place and settle, so I was feeling really spaced-out and idle in stand by for a while, just gaining life experience and insight while high on inspiration from the buzz of it all. Just as my stunt began to prolong into boredom, me and the two new girls found likeness in one another, mostly in our lack of orientation and overall confusion and we started hanging out together. The girl from Ukraine had lost her prearranged job, because of her being too late to show up, had very little money and was looking for a cheap place to stay for another week, while deciding on whether to stay in NYC or go to another state. The Brazilian had came as a tourist, but with the intention to stay along longer, enroll into a photography course here and find a job. And I, who came for no clear reason, to gain experience and just wander around for a change. I really needed this change of setting and routine, this travel to excite me and fill me up with impressions, and by now I feel psychologically rejuvenated from this trip, even reborn from within in certain ways. A great adventure, filled with improvisation and suspense! And a lot of new knowledge, yeah.

We spent a few days around Manhattan, in parks with public WiFi and in libraries providing it. Browsing for jobs and affordable accommodation. We couldn’t find anything for three of us and I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to live in one room with two other people, even though buddies. Then Anna went into a hostel and me and the Brazilian decided to move out together. We saw a few places for 300-350 per person, share rooms, but they were all dreadful. We weren’t going to find anything better for cheap. In the end, we talked to our current host and bargained with him to move in his other house and pay for a share room, me and Samantha. The other house is actually worse than the first and the rooms are priced higher. Speaking about adequate pricing. It is very old and worn, made with brick foundation a meter from the ground and the rest of plank wood and plastic. At least it feels cooler, maybe because we are on the first floor. The second is in process of renovation, a halted process at the moment. There is one average-sized bedroom with a small hallway from it to a small bathroom. The bedroom is connected via a double-winged door to the living room, which leads to the kitchen. We are to sleep together in the bedroom and the living room is available for rent from one or two other persons. Incredible, a floor designed for one or two, being rented to four. So crampy, maybe if we were all good friends and staying up to a week, but in every other case, this is horrible.

For now we are alone, so she sleeps in one room and I in the other. Though we aren’t staying at home much, the house on the whole is definitely not predisposing for this. Anyway, we have a place to stay until the end of the month and only for 275$ per person. Well, that wasn’t a bad deal, considering the overall prices and circumstances.

The day before we moved in, I and Sam went out in Manhattan and after an afternoon of wandering around and browsing the web we unanimously decided to have a drink. So, we went to a grocery store at Broadway and bought a bottle of wine. We decided on Australian, so that it be interesting and far away taste for both of us. We asked the seller if we can leave it in the cooler isles to chill and he didn’t mind. Then he opened it for us as well. Prior to that we had supplied ourselves with convenient vessels for the ancient beverage, closed, opaque cups from McDonalds, that is, large size. The reason for all the discreetness is that alcohol consumption outside establishments is not allowed in New York. I was a bit concerned on being caught, yeah, because with Samantha being under the legal age for drinking would have gotten me in some trouble. And so, we drank, and hiked the streets all night long. We sat in a nice block garden with square tables and chairs made of stone with red tint, surrounded by the skyscrapers and ate hummus with flat bread. So cool, so unexpected, I ate hummus and drank wine at a public garden in downtown Manhattan. When we were finishing off our third bottle, the sun was already rising above the city and daylife was slowly reactivating. Broadway was surprisingly barren and dark at night, not what one would expect really. There was some activity in the SoHo area and around night clubs along, there were people at Times square too, some youths hanging around and passing-by drunken dudes. On the whole, however, New York is very much asleep at night, not much differently than other big cities in the world, even more so than some of them, as I have heard. I guess, “The city that never sleeps” meme is again born out of propaganda, for the larger part. The legend is dismissed now, New York does sleep at night.

And we did this again and again, just hanging around and drinking coffee or milk shake, lol. I find some reminiscent feel in my experience here with some parts of the same from Dubai, like a déjà vu in a different setting. And that is, apart from the look and atmo of some parts of Broadway, the way we hide and feel like law-brakers drinking outside, disguising like casual tourists on the hike. As we found out that on Sunday mornings alcohol selling is not allowed in NYC, thus we had to persuade the sellers in the store until they agreed to sell us two cans of beer, but we had to hide them and watch out not to be seen, they warned us, we agreed. I saw a Jumeirah hotel the other day somewhere around downtown Mnhttn as well.

Our new neighborhood is a pretty interesting place too. Different than the previous, even though not much far from it, still in SI. And not that different even so, maybe there are more latino people around. We are on a bad street, it seems. Yesterday, I saw two boys at the next door house smoking weed in the backyard and asked them if they had some, so one of them turned out to be a dealer. Now we have his mobile and can call him if we need Green, yo. On the way out the same day, just on the street outside two black guys and a girl asked us if we “Knew Marihuana”, wanting to sell us, I presume. We pretended that we don’t understand, because we already had found a local dealer just next door. Wow, I never thought I’ll be smoking weed in NYC. Now, that’s a surprise, among everything else. Meanwhile, Samantha found a job as a night club photographer and she can also bring along friends for free, which is pretty cool. I guess now we have the chance to do some clubbing in NYC as well, in the weeks ahead. Nice, we’ll see to it. The story twists on and on, and even though the downturns, I do enjoy it thoroughly, yeah, it is all just so hippie.

My American Journey. Summer 2010. A Travel Diary - Is the American Dream Dead? Pros and Cons

United States of America, a land of prosper and opportunity where individuals are entitled to undeniable freedoms. American culture has propagated itself via Hollywood and popular media far outside its geographic boundaries and has established itself as a brand of quality and appeal quite well. On the whole, it has a glamorous exterior, but underneath all the glitter there are many faults, accumulation of negatives and ugly trends, that work on the background, aside from the spot light, unspoken aloud and suppressed.

The biggest downturn of this great country is its economic system (apart from its militaristic political views), that is made to serve the interests of large corporations. Corporations that fund the health care system, mortgage plans, political activities and et cetera. It is not without a reason that the US government has such warm relations with corporations, even when they turn against the people whom it is supposed to serve. Corporations fund a lot of the political life in USA and they get lobbyism in return. The government turns a blind eye to the fishy workings and policies of corporations and gets financial support in return.
American people are taught from an early age to believe that they are free, so much freer than all other peoples in this world that they are obliged to feel proud being Americans, so proud that they even feel themselves somewhat above all other nations. They have their Liberty and undeniable rights, along with a vast military force that can stand behind America's opinion should disagreement arise. Propaganda is so strong and the economic system so elusive, that even being in debt to the rest of their lives, Americans still think they are free. Of course, people in the rest of the world also take loans from banks and have debts, but the problem here is that being in debt is somewhat a part of the culture. People spend more than they actually make via credit cards and this is an integral part of American lifestyle and one of its core problems, that creates financial recessions and things like that.

Having a debit card here is rather awkward. And the interests and fees of credits are just undefinable, always subject to change and alteration. And in the end, good fortune forbid, should a person finds him/herself unable to follow up with their credits and loans, then they realize how abstract their rights and freedoms are and that corporations do not owe to serve people's interests, but they simply want to suck on people's money and nothing more nor less than that. If you fail to fall in the "eligibility" category you simply get denied a health care coverage, no matter how bad one may need it. Yes, I am saying this with Michael Moore's "Sicko" in mind. Of course there are some free social and health-care services in USA after all, like clinics and shelters, it is not all that grim. And if you can't pay your debts you are free to officially go bankrupt. There are a lot of lawyer firms here who offer their services to help people get debt relief by guiding them through the legal procedures of declaring a personal bankruptcy, not for free of course. So, personal bankruptcy is a kind allowance for people to get bailed out of their debts, however the side effects are very bad credit history, which is like becoming a social system outcast here in USA, that is, can't get credits and loans, which are pretty much essential to the average American. Though, there are yet other complaisant establishments that provide small credit amounts of one to two thousand dollar even to those unfortunate enough to have a bad credit history. The secret catch, I presume, are extreme interest rates for these generous services.
Unlike the corporate-level bailing out, where the bankrupt corporation gets relieved from its debts and gets saved, the personal bankruptcy is more like getting killed for the next seven years. Sometimes one may think that corporations have more freedoms and rights than individuals. The legal part of the banking system is not less amusing. Being in debt is not really a crime it turns out and residing illegally (thus not paying state and federal taxes, anatema) is far more serious criminal offense than merely having an unpaid debt to a bank. Of course, you don't want to have an unpaid debt to a bank, because then other mechanisms of the System switch on and a person gets reported to a centralized agency, who begins to monitor your financial activity and can bar you from having any contact with the banking system of USA at all for the next five years of your existence. And banks, being such pleasant and relaxing locations to spend your time at are not really something one would want not to have access to. I mean, you can always read a book or drink your coffee there, almost like a library with the main difference that you can't withdraw funds from your local library, restricted to knowledge only. So, there are no debtor prisons in USA and this is a good thing, otherwise the government would have had to spend a lot of money on keeping people there, it is much cheaper this way, not to mention the waste of workforce spending time in debtor prisons. Better leave prisons for the real criminals, the psychos, drug dealers and the like, the more intellectually deprived part of society that is.

So, anyway, money is such a strange thing. Very strange. Just some numbers on a paper that go through the System in binary form from procedure to procedure, processing and at the end pop out of the bank in, well, a more sophisticated paper form. So cool, so weird. Thank God for banks, so handy social institutions, helping people in need when they need it. Hermes bless all bankers, lol. Economy is such a strange thing, so fine, so complex, so precarious, I have never thought so much about it. And this is also strange, so materialistic, what is up with me?! Growing up is so ugly, such a banal thing.

America, overall, is a good place to be a banker, a merchant or working in the entertainment industry. Also a lawyer and psychologist, and, of course, a preacher. Preachers here make a good profit out of the American consumerism used to consuming without inputting much sense.

They have developed and established this commercial, consumer-oriented culture very neatly and have thus created a very favorable environment for businesses and trading ventures. Even though consumers get treated like mindless zombies at times. USA seems like a fertile ground for businesses, but not good to be the average worker. This is never good enough, coming to think about it. Maybe I think too much, passively. But that again, I can't say that money are my goal, nor what I really want. I do need it, but is not my goal, is not what I want to strive for, it should be just a consequence.
Money is a consequence when you work, for instance, showing up clearly in your paycheck, lol, but was it really money that you worked for or was it the work itself that gave you satisfaction in the end?! Ponder that for a while. Do artists create for money, or for fame, or for art itself?! Do politicians embark on their careers for money or because of their desire to bring change, to contribute to a betterment of society and, if possible, to the world!? Do preachers preach for money or for the joy of assuming authority over people, having official license to bring forth the word of the Divine itself to the ignorant masses?! Ahh, the old days of traveling hermit preachers are long over as well, as is free traveling around the world.

American culture is a peculiar thing. The pharmacies incorporate a grocery or super market elements only that they don't sell breads, for instance. I was perplexed to see that they sell cigarettes in the pharmacies as well, which seemed strange to me. In my country you go to the local grocery or coffee shop to buy cigarettes, not in the pharmacy, lol. You go to the pharmacy when you want to, say, stop smoking. Here they have fused these both, whether you want to smoke or stop smoking you go to the same place, it is less confusing this way, I guess. Also, I have heard about this, but now I confirmed it first hand, cigarettes here lit off when you don't smoke them, rather than burn up. Weird, I guess this is another convenience for the people.

Specialized fitness, herbal and smart food store chains are very popular here too, which is something I really enjoy. Even in the small grocery shops you can buy Muscle milk, protein bars and energy goodies like that. Some super markets and pharmacies have incorporated self-checking via automated procedure with specialized hardware and software, which renders the staff obsolete. I can imagine how uncertain they must feel scanning customers' items next to the self-checking points and seeing more and more people lining at the machines, rather than to the cashiers. This is not a bad thing, though I am wondering what all these people in the world will do when automation takes over peoples' work more and more, since the growth of the world population is a steady and progressive trend. At this pace, after 50 years humanity will be about 15-18 billion. Crazy. So many people breathing, talking about global warming, lol.

The future is an uncertain thing, it exists only in potential until manifested in the Present, so the trends today may as well turn out very differently. Depends on the amount of conscious planning humans input in their activities, something that we haven't done a lot in our past up until today. Life is a strange thing, I am constantly amazed by it in all of its various aspects. My life, well, it has been quite an interesting trip so far, with all of its positives and negatives, the learning, the knowledge, the realizations. So very interesting, but still so uncertain and somewhat undefined for the future ahead. Seems like an impenetrable fog of potential that can take just about any shape or none at all. Feeling like a free electron in search of the right nuclei to stick to and form an atom. Then we can find other atoms to form molecules together and in the end we may make ourselves a whole cosmic body with a lot of mass, LoL. There is so much symbolism in nature and the world around us, that sometimes makes you wonder how come everything resonates so well with our minds. So well, too well even. Maybe our entire perception of reality is based solely on the limitations of our senses, so that we can perceive it only in this narrow band evolution allowed us. Who knows what else is out there, intangible and completely undetectable for us, as good as non-existent.

The quick personal update is that I am acting irresponsibly right now, it is fun and playful and I really hope I don't get into trouble. Yes, I know that hope is mostly deprived of reason, but I don't really know what to do now. These two months here were completely twisted, that's one thing I can say for sure. I have a new roommate, by the way, a pretty cool and matured for her age girl from Brazil, we may move out together. Unless, of course, things develop completely otherwise. Not sure. Don't know. Will update on that soon. I am still fond of Michael, or more like the image of him I have created in my imagination. Just can't get him out of my mind. At times, when I think about him I get so hot, I feel burning love within, so strong. I am not sure if this is a good thing either, though amazing, so intoxicating. The last time I felt like this was a few days ago, just like that, he gets in my mind kind of suddenly, I begin *thinking* about him and these emotions just kick in, love and passion. Imagination is a powerful thing. I don't know if I will be able to sleep tonight as well, it is so hot for the past few days, especially yesterday. I was unable to fall asleep from this heat at all, this room, this house is just not right, when it's hot it gets extremely hot inside, when it was cold, it was really cold. I wonder what kind of materials have been used for its making, apart from cardboard. And I guess it has a pretty ridiculous price at the real estate market too. That is why houses should be made from brick, it keeps cool when hot and warm when cold. Ok, that was quick, now see a few interesting inscriptions around New York below and then write a poem, after that you can do something of your choosing! ;)

My American Journey. Summer 2010. A Travel Diary - American Culture, Processed and Pasteurized

American culture is so weird. I don't know if many of its people step out of it to contemplate on its peculiarities, but I know that for *some reason* it is easier to analyze other cultures, than the one you belong to. And that is another reason why peoples should cooperate with each other, so that we point out each others' faults and just work together to fix'em and thus build an environment of positive criticism for creative mutual advancement. Instead of simply fighting over who's right and who's wrong and kill each other off like a pack of wild beasts.

So, anyway. It is very interesting that USA consists of so many different ethnic groups and peoples with a great variety of cultural backgrounds and yet all these different peoples bear this American resemblance with one another. The American life style, stereotype, mindset and those "artificially" created cultural elements that are meant to serve as unifiers and homogeneous agents. For instance, patriotism. American patriotism is well-known in the world for its idealism and almost religious-like zeal.
Children in schools cite in chorus the Declaration of Independence, the American flag is seen waving in front of every other house, put in graffiti or painting on the walls and rooftops of garages, gas stations and shops. I've seen a lot of lawns here in Staten Island, where people literally overdecorated them with flags-on-a-stick, arranging them along the fence, around tree trunks, sticking them inside flower pots, hanging them on their windows, on their cars, everywhere. American patriotism is evident all over the place, at places in just overexposed amounts. Such a zealous dedication indeed, it's almost as if they use the flags as some sort of modern form of Totem, for protection and to show that they are a loyal part of this tribe. There is nothing wrong with that, unifying elements in the form of rituals and common denotations are an integral part of every society since the dawn of human social life.

However, there are certain elements of the American patriotic doctrine that are born out of pure propaganda. Such as militarism. People here are really paranoid to terrorists (and spies), can't blame them. Though, the way their government presents these to the public is so very subjective and one-sided and this is the propaganda element. Of course, propaganda is found in the paradigm of every government around the world, but it is especially strong in USA. I've been wondering if there are a lot of Americans who actually take the time to think up the root cause for terrorist' treat in their country.
I mean, their government is waging wars in the Middle East since the end of WWII. These wars can hardly be justified, apart from the American lust for influence and oil, which are conveniently disguised behind humanistic ideals such as the fight for "freedom" and, of course, democracy. But hypocrisy is the real face of these justificators and a lot of money involved, in the gazzillions. Yeah, weapons and military technology is a huge industry in the *modern world*. And what use of it if there are no wars?! I mean, don't be ridiculous, wars are an essential part of global economy!! And America, being one of the biggest manufacturers just must and needs to be involved in military justice, otherwise it will go bankrupt. What a profound irony. Fighting for peace with guns. Such a brilliant ideal only human mind can produce.

So, my point here is, apart from the obvious, that there would have been no terrorist treats here if USA didn't waged all these wars in the Middle East. How logic is that?! For example, my country does not wage wars in the ME and we have no problems with terrorists either.
I'm sure the average American don't view things this way, though.
Sometimes the root of a complex issue is so stunningly simple, that you can't help it, but just stand rapt in awe and amazement (in front of human stupidity, which is infinite, unlike the Universe, as Einstein deducted a few decades ago).

Anyway, considering that 60% of Americans today are immigrants or children of immigrants that came with the last great wave of immigrants from the beginning of the 20th Century escaping wars, poverty, persecution and industrial slavery in Europe and other parts of the world, no wonder they hold strong to their American Dream. But, what bothers me is, is this dream still alive? It certainly was alive a century ago. People came here and they really found freedom. They found free land to settle in, freedom from the suffocative grip of the Catholic church (even though there are a lot of Catholics here today, some of them descendants of those same people who escaped it), freedom to start a fresh in a fertile land with vast resources that were open and most importantly, accessible to all who were willing to work hard for it and make a fortune. And many of those settlers did worked hard and did made fortunes. Fortunes that they couldn't have made back in Europe, where stiff class segregation and monarhic rule from the previous centuries still prevailed. And that truly was the American Dream and it was real and alive.

While I worked on Liberty Island there was an isle with books in the gift shop with memories and testimonials from those early 20th Century immigrants, that I used to open and read in a dash, pretending I was dusting them with the laser beams from my eyes. I read a lot of interesting short stories there on how immigrants traveled cramped on ships, the horrible conditions they traveled into, the uncertainty, how they left everything behind packing just the essentials or whatever little they had, their hopes, dreams and expectations about this rich land, where the streets were paved with gold and even candy fell from the sky right into your mouth whenever one wished for it. Almost like El Dorado, a land of gold, riches and endless opportunities open for all, almost mythological-like. And for the most part, all of this was true. Freedom was to be found here.

Then, in the following decades of the early 20th Century a cultural spur flourished in New York, beginning with the underground Jazz societies in the 30s and leading to the Hippies in the 60s, which were to influence the common culture of the entire western world and change it forever. Before the hippies, societies still adhered to the strict, religious morals and behavioral codes, freedom of individuality, fashion and so on were unthinkable. An amazing cultural change and evolution even, that few people appreciate today, especially the young, taking it for granted. But in the meanwhile, amids the cultural revolution, other, more subtle trends evolved that had their roots in these same exploitatory methods of the industrial revolution that the immigrants ran away from. Thus, sometime in the 70s or so, the Corporations officially took over. Thinking about all this, Corporative rule and Communism are not that different really. Both exploit the masses via imposing delusive ideals of elusive freedoms.

Communism tells people they are all equal in opportunity, that all wealth is equally shared and possessed by all individuals in equal parts and that every individual must work for this common wealth, so that it never gets depleted and there is always enough for all. But, in reality, the wealth those common people worked for was by no means shared equally and the workers got 10% of it, while the remaining was distributed among the political *elite*, who, more or less, operated on monarhic principles. The same principles the Bolshevik claimed to overthrow after their revolution in Russia in the 1917. All the inspirational slogans about freedom and equality were just that, slogans, empty words deprived of practical manifestation. Propaganda was the most powerful tool of communism, and it has always been the most powerful tool of every self-righteous ideology.
Corporations, on the other hand, are a creation of democracy, or to this part of it designated as Capitalism. It was thought to be the total opposite of the strictly government-owned and controlled economy of communism or so thought the public outside the corporations. The corporations tell people they are free to choose (from whatever choices they are given), free to take (loans), free to speak (as long as it is not against the doctrine) and free to pay their bills. Corporations are probably the greatest manipulators and exploitators of American society today. And the truth is that the freedoms and opportunities immigrants had a 100 years ago are no longer available to their descendants. Things have changed. A lot.

Still, USA remains a land of great economic wealth and opportunity, but for the majority of people these freedoms and opportunities are reduced to very narrow step-by-step, system guided procedures starting with College/University and a student loan for it. Then, having a lot of money hanging on your neck, the fresh grad is eager to find a job and pour his/hers resources into the economy in return to financial tender to their loan. Then, another loan follows, this time for a house. A place to call home, to create a family of their own. By this time, the individual is desperate to keep his/her job, or the system will turn really evil should you miss a payment or two. And from then on, until the rest of their lives, it is basically paying mortgage and paying your bills. And enjoying your freedom in between.
And even though this doesn't sound that bad, after all, what else is the meaning of human life anyway?! There are a lot of very corrupt elements in this system. For instance, the wild ups and downs of real estate prices and interest rates. These fluctuations are not only abnormal and unjustified, they are unhealthy. Also unwealthy for the majority of Americans apart form this top 10% that have shares in the corporations.

The American system is a very sophisticated and complex one indeed and I have yet to delve in it and understand its inner workings, but its faults are apparent even to the ignorant observer, like myself. I believe that the time has come for a new economy to be synthesized, one that will include all the good from the old ones from the 20th Century and will preferably exclude their faults. Also, I think that we should update our criteria for ideals, for example, militaristic concepts proclaiming that serving in the army is a most high quality of humane acquisitions to be admired and respected. I mean, come on, such primitive concepts, born out of plain propaganda still being held current by modern, supposedly more aware and sensible humans? It is just not right.
And this is the biggest fault in Star Wars universe as well. That advanced civilizations will still produce weapons and wage wars. No. War and aggression are traits of the primitive mind and they will be absent in advanced civilizations. However, how can we humans know that, when we observe the Universe from our mere subjective point of view and think that whatever aspirations our hardwired instincts have are surely all universally present in all levels of civilizations throughout the cosmos. Oh, well, we are yet to evolve and realize a lot of truths ahead.

Ah, American society, such a peculiar phenomenon indeed. Despite all the opportunities here, I do think that its freedoms are corrupt and the American Dream is just not the same as it has been a century ago, or even 60 years ago. I will refrain from proclaiming it dead, unlike Nietzsche who felt no second thoughts on proclaiming the God dead a century and a half ago. And this is mostly because the economic system is by far more entangled and complex than the *stand-alone* Divine. That is, at times, the secrets of God seem far more accessible to the mind than the inner workings of economy. And this is mostly because the keys to the former are in your Self, while the nostrum to the latter is somewhere out there. If you know what I mean.

My American Journey. Summer 2010. A Travel Diary - Misc. Developments, Impressions, Et Cetera

Today I was to meet a strangely easy-going guy, to whom I spoke the other day on the phone in regards to a job offer for "E-commerce Sales Associate". The address where I was supposed to go was in a south-western location in Brooklyn and he told me that it was "A warehouse, basically".
I looked up the address in Google maps and saw there garage-like doors on a red-brick building stretching along narrow street with a residential compartment building of the same style across the warehouse building. There was an uninviting steel bridge spanning on the background and some graffiti on the walls. "Suspicious" I thought, thinking about psychopaths who lure naive victims, lock them up and torture them to death. As there was no one to take with me and wait me outside, for security, I decided to leave a note in my room with the address and the mobile of the guy, saying that I will be back by 5PM or call if later. A girl from Russia was supposed to review my room on the same day, so my host would see it and keep it in mind. So I did and left.

Took the R train and then walked about half an hour, a distance that strangely didn't seemed that long on the map, as opposed to other times when I walk with ease distances that seem longer on the maps. Probably the difference was due to the mindset. I was in a hurry, late for the interview and concerned about its legitimacy, and the part of the neighborhood it was located at. There was this large, steel bridge following along the route I was going to. Low rise red-brick buildings, road intersections and car-service garages. The local mafia probably resided somewhere around, the setting was just right. So, I reached the place and entered a large, metal-roll garage door that was opened. It was a warehouse alright filled with small and large boxes with electronics, as far as I could observe. There was a latino dude whom I asked for confirmation of the location, he nodded and then asked him for the guy with whom I was supposed to meet. He went into a door at the warehouse wall and then called me in.

There was a corridor and offices inside, everything seemed normal, just right. I was surprised to see that the guy in question was a Jewish person dressed in white shirt and black trousers, just the black coat and the stovepipe hat were missing, he had his kippah on though, also plain black. He behaved weird, almost as if the whole interview was a joke. I presented my qualities and skills to him in a professional and confident manner of speech and he said he was impressed. Then another Jewish man came into the office, but he didn't shake hands with me due to religious reasons. They discussed my best possible assignment and decided they'll call me after the 4th of July holidays for a 30-day trial of my performance. We discussed vaguely the payment, I know Jewish people prefer to receive money, rather than give it out, so I decided to negotiate the salary more thoroughly when definite assignment is given next week. Good, I left and took on a right turn to wander a bit around the streets at this part of Brooklyn. Then another guy called me, also impressed by my Resume (good thing I didn't included the Unpredictable quality after all. It may be a plus if I apply for a job at CERN though for a position of "Experimental Particle" or something similar, hey they may find new elements in me colliding my protons with protons of the Universe, who knows, I may contain atoms from the Big Bang, lol) anyway, where was I. The other guy also needed a person to work with e-commerce websites, but initially he needed that person for customer service position, while things get going in the office, as the firm was a new starter and was yet to develop its business. Sounds interesting.
I can't take both jobs at once, but which one should I choose? Now here's again one of these choices in life. The Jewish people don't seem very reliable and they seem stingy too. Though I may be wrong. The new-starter firm has some potential prospects in it, since it is new, I could contribute to its growth and thus establish myself there and my pay too. I will see to try them both and just take one. Hey, I'm not going to be here too long any way, even though I pretend otherwise.

On the way back I walked again to the train, this time with a different mindset, the weather was pleasant, the people awkward, the urban setting just like from the movies. The stop was located on a high place and there was this nice urban view towards the Statue of Liberty, which was clearly visible in the distance. "Ah, my old colleagues are arranging keychains and folding t-shirts hard right now and I'm here looking at them from the height and I'm free!" LoL.

Then I went to a real estate agency to see for cheap rents for the week to follow. Wrong. You don't go to an agency when you need cheap. They charge a service tax, stupid. Right. So I'll have to look up in websites or on Craigslist for offers directly from renters. By the way, when I informed my host that I'll be leaving in about a week he said "Ok, but you don't get your security deposit back without a 30 day notice".. "What?!" I was shocked. "Listen now, you HAVE to give me back my money.. or I'll kick your butt!" Nah, I didn't said it like that, but was persuasive enough to make him rethink. So we made a deal that if he finds someone to fill up my place until the 30th of June, he would return my deposit, because "It's just not ethical" he said, right you are. Actually, I really don't have the money to pay him the rent for next month anyway, that is why I need my deposit back, so that I look up a cheaper place, pay it for a week until I receive some payment from somewhere and move in another place for a full month, or pay for another week if things go slower.
Risk it, head on, let's see how things will turn out in the end. You either win or loose, in both cases its a win-win situation, because I gain experience and even some wisdom and insight here and there, I value these more than money, though money is what I need right now.

When I went back "home" I spoke with him and in the end I was able to negotiate to stay until the 7th of July for 105$ and he will return me 345$ from my original deposit, so, instead of paying 125$ minimum for the week ahead worth of rent I only paid 50$, which was a pretty good bargain, excellent.

On the way back to Staten Island I diverged to Wall St. It was my first visit to the notorious place, though I have passed by it many times already. On the Parthenon-styled arch held by classic Greek-style columns with this predominant leafy design of the capitals in New York city there was a scene of stone-cut statues of people working on the field, lol. The peculiar element however was the central figure, which was a woman with Hermes' wings on her head. Strange. Women are incorporated in New York's architectural symbolism in a very peculiar way, not sure where this tendency derives from, is it because of the initial mythological symbolism incorporated in the Statue of Liberty by its designer? Very interesting, female-warrior and strong, leader-type females are seen at a lot of places in statues and stone reliefs around Manhattan, along with Mercury and his accessories. So mysterious, and yet there hasn't been a female president for instance. Strange messages or whatever the reason for this architectural tendency here. I just love the architecture of NYC, it's scale and grandeur are overwhelming, so cool. Provide great landscape for some awesome vertical photography too.

As for those prevailing black spots on the pavements I mentioned in previous posts, one person a while ago that we spoke casually on a bus stop suggested that they may be old chewing gums. "What, so many?!". Weird, I should scratch them some time to inspect them closer up, so to determine their possible origins first hand. I mean, chewing gums? This may be the urban effect of American chewing culture, lol, side effect that is.
Another peculiarity in the news, people here seem to still live in the Cold War era with one foot. In the recent days there has been reports in the local news channels about Russian spies that have been intercepted by the US government in New Jersey and detained in charges of spying and exporting government secrets to Russia. LoL, now that's funny. This is serious stuff man, it is Spy business! When are we going to grow up, this is just so sad and pitiful. Economy based on war, just so sad. Why can't peoples just cooperate with each other, cooperation can also be a form of competition, so that advancement be ensured, right!?

My American Journey. Summer 2010. A Travel Diary - Staten Island

There hasn't been much development in the past week. Been mostly contemplating on fundamental matters, wandering around and seeking out unconventional job opportunities in the fields of 1099, freelance or a project job. There is a lot of scam and fraud in USA, no wonder Hermes is everywhere in the architectural elements. The place for thieves, tricksters and fraudulent-minded people. Also there are a lot of psychos, I know, so I have to be especially careful for this one really. Scarry. Anyway, my funds are running out and with it my time here as well, unless a reliable opportunity finally finds me. Contacted a few people looking for someone to fix some work for them in Ebay, but no answer so far. Will be moving out of Staten Island in the days to follow, not sure where yet, we'll see.

Not that I didn't liked the place here, I'm sure I'm not finding any better one for these money, but the hosts began to annoy me too much really. They started asking me questions am I working, why I stay up at night and sleep late, this and that. I'm beginning to feel as if on a student camp and the teachers supervising over me. Beat it. It's time to move in the city full time, this way I can explore it in the evenings as well, since I'll be living closer by. However, don't get me wrong, my hosts here are very nice and helpful people and they are hospitable on the whole.

I've been exploring Staten Island these days and toured it from coast to coast with the bus and on foot. In all, it is a really nice place to live. Suburban, plenty of nature, peaceful and quiet. From its central part southwards there are very nice, clean and tranquil streets lined with very nice houses. There is a great architectural variety of the houses and the people take care to decorate their lawns in front of the houses too, which is pretty neat. Some houses have their mailboxes designed as miniature replicas of the house itself. Cool. I rode the train the other day, but I was really tired for I slept very little the night before and fell a sleep several times. The tracks were above ground and I could observe many houses of different sizes nevertheless, mostly large ones, with swimming pools and clean, small streets in between. I guess, for the most part, the part of SI closer to the ferry is the not so nice one and the not so clean one too, as there are large amounts of litter on the streets, especially on some streets, where lower culture prevails.

It was a funny thing that, in the bus riding to the last stop in Tottenville, a woman asked me about an animal clinic and how far from the bus stop it was. I didn't knew and then she shared in a low voice, even though it was just me, her and the driver in the bus, that she has never been so far and she wanted to feel safe. Wow. She is a SI resident and has never been so.. far?! Some people are living like muslim women here, lol, only in and around the house.

The bus driver was a tattooed youth with piercing and punk hair do. Anyway, the buses have GPS, I thought. I got off on Main str. in Tottenville. The place had this typically American small town feel with low rise brick apartment buildings from the 1920s and small groceries and caffeterias at the ground floors.
Then I followed the street and walked on some half an hour until I reached a dead end street with a grassy trail leading from its side. I asked a woman there standing in front of her house if it was safe to follow the trail, and she said it was ok. So I did and went to the beach, sat there gazing at the waves in quiet. Naturally, there was no one to talk with, lol. Only the sea birds and distant speed boats and yachts, everything else was still. My mind sat still too, comprehending the moment. There is so much beauty in this world.. The setting resonated with the way I feel my life at this moment; standing on a shore line, gazing at the unknown ahead, on the border between the land so far and the unexplored depths of what is to come. The mysterious is so mesmerizing. And I feel so lost and confused, unsure which path to follow, where to go, so widespread and uncertain. Like an electron cloud.

I continued on the serene trail along the beach with marshy woods on my right side and it led me to a nice park with some old community buildings from the late 1800s, when people lived differently. Though not that entirely different. At least a woman has much more freedom today, thank human reason for that. Sat on a wooden bench there, surrounded by the auditory joyfulness of the birds and wrote a poem. Well, a semi-poem, more like a moment of self-reflection put down in words. I don't want to be single for the rest of my life, not at all, but I need to find the right one, one who will share my vision and views. A like-minded friend to share a life with. And have many friends together. Not sure about kids, I don't really see myself having a child at this moment, maybe later on I could feel like it, but that again maybe not.

As I walked back towards the bus stop, looking at those large, clean and well-decorated houses for a moment I felt overwhelmed by the prospect of such a dull family life, even in a large and beautiful house. Nope, that's not for me. I need excitement, adventure, freedom and action. I just can't picture myself as a mom, preparing dinner, while my husband watches TV, lol, I just bursted in laughter for real. I am a creative personality and need a man that will love me, support me morally, like a best friend, but one that will give me enough space to move free. One that can trust me and I can trust him. Such strange contemplations come in my mind, I never thought about such things in this way before. I guess I've grown up now (raising eyebrows). I am just a one-eyed weirdo in the land of the blind.

In all, Staten Island is a nice place in New York, away from the noise and hassle of the city, set among trees, plains, hills and marshes. There are many old houses around the island with authentic architecture in different styles. The ferry ride is one to enjoy too and provides great views towards Manhattan and the surrounding borroughs. So now I'm moving in the city, let's see how that's going to be.

My American Journey. Summer 2010. A Travel Diary - Everything Unwinds Quite Differently Than Imagined

Today was a gorgeous cloudy day in New York. Then a summer rain storm poured down on Staten Island in the afternoon, raining cats and dogs as one English idiom puts it flowery. Very invigorating. The end of my second month in USA approaches and with it my birth day draws near. It's been 26 years since I arrived in this world. Wow. Seems like it will be a loner birthday, but hey, it's too early to say that, since things just may turn 360 degrees around in a stunningly surprising way. I've been through some very weird experiences here already and these just keep accumulating more and more. The summer is going completely like I didn't imagined at all, I thought things differently, in a more settled and straight forward way, since everything was pretty well arranged with my arrival. Ah, unpredictability. It is a property of mine, I should include it in my Resume. And title it "Quantum Autobiography".

Life of elementary particles must be so simple, unlike the complex existence of the more sophisticated bunches of matter.
You are not a singular thing you know, but about a 100x1000 trillion singular things that make you up and keep you going. It is so strange when you think about this. I am made up of trillions of individual cells that constantly buzz with their basic cellular activity, until at some point they completely disintegrate. Makes you wonder, where exactly am I in all those cells. Am I this cell or that cell, are those cells me or am I them?! What the heck am I!? A bunch of cells that think and have the collective sense of consciousness that wanders around and gets into trouble?? Crazy stuff. If life isn't a mystery. I am a mystery. Yeah, that's what i am alright. You are a mystery too, just take the time to step out and think about it. Most people prefer not to, though, it is just way above their willingness to comprehend. Can't blame them, who needs that kind of awareness anyway? Apart from the blissful cosmic insights it brings, it's not especially useful in the mundane everyday activities people undertake, following the social and biological paradigms of life.

So anyway, it's been more than two weeks now since I left the prearranged job. I've been mostly idling around, staying up until late and sleeping 'till noon during most of this time. I haven't written anything since more than a month already, on my book. Just can't get into the mindset for it, I am distracted by everything that has been going on here. Maybe this is a good thing, since I am thinking on all of the issues and topics involved still and tackling them deeper and deeper, while gaining a lot of life experience in this distant land of opportunity and elusive freedom. Actually, I think the more I delay the book, the better it will come out in the end. And my style keeps getting better in time as well. By the end of this year it will be exactly four years since I began writing it, after drafting on the basic synopsis frame. Though, I had large chunks of time not writing at all in this period, about two thirds of it all, or writing very little at a time. However, I can finish it off for about a month of everyday writing or even less. There is time, I feel.

In the meanwhile, this eBay assistant job I found ended up quite unexpectedly. So, this guy who was to be my employer of a sort did sent me a wire transfer and a list of some electronics that he sold over eBay and I had to purchase consequently from Best Buy and send them via USPS to an US address. We kept in touch over the phone for about a week or so, while I received the transfer and then did the job, then he said he will wire me another amount for the next purchase and that was the last I heard from him. I didn't received any other transfers, nor did he contacted me or answered my calls again. Pretty weird. I gained about 500 dollar from this episode and I'm jobless again, lol. Now I have another similar job opportunity of this kind, I guess my CV looks very attractive, 'cause I get a lot of self-starters offers and the like in the last week. I am not sure about that new offer really, it seems very risky and potentially getting-into-troublesome. Not sure what to do. Maybe I should just look for another normal 9 to five job that is reliable and doesn't involve taking financial risks, lol, especially when your finances are on red.
I don't feel like going back home just yet, I am enjoying my independence and self-reliance here. Getting accustomed to the people, they don't seem that weird anymore, the people also seem to get used with me as well, lol. I'm not getting all those strange looks in the bus anymore, probably because of the subjective element getting used to the objective elements, mostly. Starting to like life in New York more and more, not just it's architecture. And I just don't feel like I had enough experience from it, need more, lol.
People are individuals, of course, and you can actually meet some decent ones out on the streets. About two weeks ago I met a woman in the laundromat. We spoke about hairs in the machines sticking to clothes and agreed about it and this peer-like spark flared between us. So we engaged in a conversation, while waiting on the laundry. She is in her late 30s and was there with her daughter. So we exchanged tel. numbers to meet another day. We spoke over the phone a few times, but ones I couldn't, then she couldn't and finally a few days ago we met. I went in her house, a very nice, big house decorated with taste, unlike the one I'm staying at that feels like cardboard house. Then we went off with her car to Staten Island mall, yeah this is a cliche, she went into a brand store to exchange a dress she changed her mind on and while there it turned out there is a 40% discount for coupon holders for the day. I liked a pair of pants, though didn't intent to buy them, but she persuaded me so that to make use of her discount, and later when I was to give her the remaining cash amount, she reduced ten dollars out of it, so I paid 20$ instead of their original 50$ price tag. Then we went into a supermarket place and I made use of her discount card there as well. Cool, so complaisant. I would have done the same if I was her.

Yesterday I met one black guy, I don't usually make friends with people who talk me out on the streets, but this dude showed some good knowledge in geography and he had a red eye, so that I speculated on the possible reasons for this condition and assured him he will not go blind, for he expressed his concern in a humorous way making allusion with pirates and black eye-patches. He seemed like an interesting person to go out some day, but the problem with making new male friends in a foreign country is that they most probably aspire for something more than buddies. We exchanged numbers in the end, it's about time to make some friends here, get to know the locals better. It would have been easier and more convenient if I was with another person, though. 'Cause when you're singular, friendships are made in a different kind of way, I have observed, they are more personal. It is different when you are with someone else and you make friends with a third person.

Anyway, I'm not the kind of person who will "get" a boyfriend only for the boyfriendishness' sake. I don't need it. And my heart is engaged right now. Yeah, still thinking about the charismatic one, that i told you about in the "Twists and Turns of Life" post and particularly at the "Love Story" part of it. I feel love for this man, man. He showed up in a dream of mine a few nights ago. I feel him close, this feeling makes me feel complete, in this in-love kind of way, knowing that the other one is out there, like a soul mate. As if he also thinks of me still and feeling me too, feeling each other, there is no way to know that being so or not anyway, it is just a subjective state. It's nice though, pleasant. Nothing long-term could have come out of this love anyway, considering the circumstances we are meeting in, I am going back to Bulgaria sooner or later, it is there where my home is. We could have been friends though and just enjoy this platonic love fire. Well, I am enjoying it in a way, at least. In this bittery sweet way love tastes. Love like this is like a potent soil fertilizer, growing fruits of wisdom within the one experiencing it. I love you Michael. Maybe it is a good thing things developed this way after all, otherwise who knows what could have happened by now.. i mean, Love from the distance is one thing, but face to face quite another. It could have as well turned out like two neodymium magnets coming together - a collision of high-energy scale.
Oh, yeah, I think this is a good spot to include some editory notes on the "Love Story". Going through the entire development of it from the beginning, I have to say that actually it was not him who insisted on it, but the senior person gave him a green light of sort, showing support for the sparked mutual attraction. So, the "He wanted me to be assigned at the place he was running, so that he can flirt with me, I presume" part is not entirely correct. Either way, I may never know exactly what, who, why, most probably.

Life is full of probabilities! And it's in the hands of unpredictability to handle them (wink). We shall see how things will turn out in the following week ahead. The Universe has been kind of unresponsive recently, having turned her answering machine on. Oh, Universe, pick up the line, it's me! LoL.
In the other news, the sound of the "God prtcl" has been simulated. Wow, the cosmos sounds so in tune, such a mesmerizing symphony of frequencies, how divine indeed. I don't think that the "Higgs particle" will ever be found, it is something else. We'll see. Another newsflash, Michael Jackson has made 1 billion dollars since his death. Alright, he is doing pretty well even from the hereafter, bad thing there are no available wire transfers to there.
Stay tuned.